Beat Your Genes: An Evolutionary Psychology Podcast For Finding Happiness In The Modern World

In today's replay of episode 198, the Dr's discuss: 1. I think that you are absolutely right when you say that happiness comes from esteem, earned in the right way from the people that matter. It's really beautiful to me how that works. But on the other hand, I occasionally meet women who impress me a great deal, strictly based on their DNA- i.e., above-average looks, brains, and personality. Or, as you might expect, even just well above average looks. So my question is, how can attraction be such a profound emotional experience when so much of it is purely on the basis of DNA, and nothing that has been done to earn it? And in fact people are more impressed with someone when it appears that they are not trying? Is how we feel about ourselves based on what we earn, but how we feel about others mostly just a matter of their DNA? 2. How does IQ affect relationships? Specifically, a male having a greater IQ than his female partner, at what point would this cause problems in the relationship and how? 3. I am a rec

In today's show, Dr. Howk dicusses: 1. I am a fairly successful artist in his late 20s (definitely another Jimmy the Guitar player). My Big Five is highly distorted (O-98, C-75, E-98, A-15, N-98), which has gotten me in all sorts of trouble but luckily, my high IQ has kept me on the right track. Your podcast and website have helped me in almost every arena, but I can't shake my Jimmy gene. I find myself "falling in love", but losing interest just as quickly. This has caused many unhappy romantic relationships, sometimes even when I desperately want them to work. How can a Jimmy who would love to pair bond beat his genes? Is there a ten paid dates rule for men? What is the right environment, if I can't change my personality? 2. I'm a young male adult (~20), and I truly enjoying studying, working out, training, and just overall being productive. I know it's because I'm trying to gain mate value and climb social structures, but I truly enjoy it.  Now, I recently aquired a girlfriend, and I've found that I'm more

In today's show, Dr. Lisle answers the following questions:  1.  Our adult son is still living at home to save money to buy his own place. This year he was riding his motorcycle without insurance for short rides. We chose to put a wheel lock on his bike until he gets insurance. Since then he basically ignores us. How can we get through to him and put an end to this 'stand off'?  2. My partner is 44 and has never had a serious job for more than a couple of months. He hates authority and always complains about having superiors or work being “dull”.  I've been the main breadwinner for many years and I am fed up. The thing stopping me from throwing out his stuff and changing the locks is the fact that we have a 10-year-old child. That, and the fact that my partner has a bad temper when pushed. How do I get out safely? 3.  My son is 14, and his personality is not very charming. He says very mean things to me, he is violent towards things and sometimes me, he has a hard time making and keeping friends. He is selfis

In today's replay of episode 197, Dr. Lisle disusses: 1. Does the myelin sheath development also apply to more purely mental abilities like reading and comprehension, or the ability to imagine and come up with inventive solutions to a problem?  For example, how much can learning and practice be helpful in growing infants and children? Will a baby that is spoken to for 5 hours a day learn to speak significantly faster than one exposed to only an hour of language a day? Or are parents kidding themselves when they spend so much effort to give their child an edge in cognitive development? 2. I'm a private person: I cringe when people air their dirty laundry or have what to me are very private conversations in the facebook comment section. I don't signal affiliation or loyalty the way most people do, and tend to minimize advertising even when it would be seemingly beneficial: I recall declining someone wanting to write an article about me back in high school because "it's nobody's business". I realize I'll always

In this epsiode, Dr. Howk and Dr. Lisle discuss current events. 

In today's episode, Dr. Howk and Dr. Lisle discuss current events.

In today's replay of episode 207, we go over these questions: 1. I understand from evolutionary psychology that certain market distortions, like a large number of females in college, or a small number of males in elderly age affect the quality of partners we're willing to date. What I am not sure about is how this calibration changes subjective experience. Do people only change their behavior to attain a partner, or do they also feel more attracted to people of perhaps lesser gene quality? 2. When I was in my twenties, I used to go to bars and wait in line to get in during the winter. In Montreal, winters can be very cold but one would always see girls waiting in the cold with no proper clothing. These happened to be the sexiest girls. My buddy would be impressed with them, saying that they seemed to have a supernatural ability to beat the cold. My question is: do you think that exhibiting the capacity to sustain a noxious stimulus can be used as a gene quality signal? Do you think that smoking can also viewe

In today's show, the Dr's dicuss the following question:  1. In episode 243, Dr. Lisle defined the pleasure trap roughly as the state of an organism being fooled by artificial stimuli into believing it is achieving biological success. How does the placebo effect fit into this picture? Given that the placebo effect typically makes a person feel better without the underlying condition improving, it seems like we have evolved with something akin to the pleasure trap built right into us, and therefore the pleasure trap is not a modern phenomenon. 2. My anger and frustration is increasing as folks insist on eating foods that cause their disease which, in turn, incurs costs that all of us are then obligated to bear. Everyone wants to complain about the high cost of health care and global warming but choose to ignore the obvious solution. I need help in dialing back my frustration and increasing sense of despair. 3. The recent talk about living in distortions has really resonated with me. Is this the same as the ear

In today's replay of episode 206, Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk go over the following questions: 1. Depression often gets talked about as being a biological condition and that just like having a broken arm, treating depression with medication is similar to treating a broken bone with a splint. What is the opinion of Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk about treating depression with medication vs. taking an evolutionary approach to helping individuals improve the esteem dynamics in their life? The combination of medication and therapy is often viewed as the best treatment, but I don’t think most therapies take the approach that Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk do. 2. I'm a male and I've noticed that in numerous relationships, if my girlfriend was mad, then she would just flat out ignore me. I don't understand this behavior as anger would usually lead me to talk through issues and try to resolve them, whereas they might just ignore my calls and messages for days at a time. This caused me tremendous stress ro the point of getting no sleep

In today's show, the Dr's discuss the following questions: 1. For the past 20 years I have been bewildered and somewhat dissappointed in how my ex-husband and two adult sons have been difficult to get along with and very dismissive of me, despite my huge efforts to forge a warm and close feeling among the 4 of us. No matter how hard I try, I keep getting rejection and sometimes even ridicule from these guys,even though none of us live together anymore. Now, finally, I realize that the problem maybe isn't me (ie. not a "good enough" mother or wife.) Perhaps it is in their personalities -- they would all score pretty high on the disagreeable bell curve while I am in the high 80's for agreeableness. So now what? Is there a different strategy I should take with these family members. Or should I just give up and head for the hills? I would appreciate any help. I love these people, but I don't enjoy being with them anymore. 2. You’ve talked about how people enjoy landscapes that indicate that safety, food, and wate

In today's show, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss some economics, politics, and this question from a listener:  (Paraphrased due to original q length) Dear Dr's, I was recently laid off from my job and even though I'm collecting unemployment, I still want to get another job.  I've applied for and received opportunities for jobs.  One offer is to work for the police as an analyst but do I really want to work for an establishment that hauls people to jail for not wearing a mask?  Another is a high tech job implementing 5G technology - I have strong opinions against 5G and think it needs more testing. I know 5G is coming whether I work on it or not, but I feel guilty putting my efforts toward it.   I  have the same sort of personal objections on the other offer. What the hell is wrong with me? I need the money and I need companionship. It is hard to get a job in this economy and I have worked so hard to get these. Why am I so confused about which job to take? Maybe I should just forget it and sit around on unemplo

In today's replay of episode 205, Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk answer the following questions: 1. My brother never does anything in moderation, for example if he starts working out, he'll organize his life around it, stop all social drinking and the like. Then he will eventually feel empty and complain he's burnt out. My question is, is he destined to live in this open-unstable roller-coaster ride, or can I give him some advice (perhaps Harry Browne style) that will help him find his place? 2. I've heard Dr. Howk talk about social media as a potential pleasure trap, and I was wondering if she could go into more depth on that. What are the circuits being hijacked? What advice would you give to a low-key social media addict?

In today's show, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss some current events including vaccine passports, an impending social credit system, and some libertarian principles.  

In this episode, Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk briefly discuss a recent article titled, "Harvard researchers help explain link between emotion and addictive substance use".  https://www.hks.harvard.edu/faculty-research/policy-topics/health/report-sadness-triggers-addictive-behavior They discuss addiction, relapsing, channel factors, Dr. Howk shares a personal story, and we answer the following listener question: Most of the people I know use chemicals to manage their lives as least in some aspects: coffee to wake up, alcohol for social lubrication, SSRIs when feeling down, and beta blockers for anxiety, even Adderall or cocaine for productivity and charisma and so on. Even knowing what I know, it's hard to resist the feeling that I'm leaving some competitive advantage on the table by not partaking. I assume you would discourage the use of most if not all of these substances. It it because you think they are all net negative in the long run, or do you find the whole concept puts the cart before the horse by trying

In today's show, the Dr's discuss: 1. Is it possible to have a personality that is not a good fit for a long-term committed relationship? 2. I have this one specific girlfriend who seems to be different because she ONLY attracts pair bonds. She has never gotten a casual mating approach, not that I can ever remember. She gets approached by all fine, decent, good looking, intelligent guys who all really love her. She's average looking, yet thin, long haired and very intelligent too. She gets in a stable monogamous relationship with one, stays with him for 2/3/4 years saying she really, really loves him and then abruptly dumps him, moving to the next one..  I'm more curious about how she can be so lucky to always find good pair bonds as to why she acts like this. 3. A friend has become a life and wellness coach primarily through social media. She enjoys what she does, makes a livable living, and creates value in her clients’ lives. Yet, when our friend group occasionally mentions this friend everyone seems to di

  In today's replay of episode 212, the Dr's discuss the following questions: 1. Would you still recommend psychology as a career? I am interested in becoming a therapist, and your podcast has turned what I thought I knew on it's head and has completely changed the way I would want to go about my theoretical orientation. But now that it's so different, I feel like I am doubting everything.  Could you talk a little about what it's like to be in the position of the therapist? I am looking for information to direct my behavioral output. 2. How do I overcome fear? I have a friend who is brave and courageous! I would so like to accomplish those qualities, but whether it comes to sky diving, public speaking, or taking other risks im super scared and it takes so much for me to make the leap? How can I make the leap easier and become more courageous when I know that's what I really want? any tricks/shortcuts/technique or game changing information regarding this? 3. I am a female in my 50s now, and all of my life when

In this episode, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss this situation: I am a 26 year old female and in a two year relationship with a guy named Luke. He is an MD and works at the hospital, he is rather smart, lookwise pretty average but neighter overweight nor has a funky smell. He is a nice guy, will provide for me and the family as soon as we have kids, which is already on our agenda. He respects my wishes to a large extent and eats only plant based at home though he used to eat meat. He is caring and always there for me even when I am going a bit crazy. Sounds perfect right? Well. When I was 20 I met a guy (Dave) and we became best friends, after a year or so we had a short phase where we had sex, which led to quite some trouble and our friendship wasn’t the same ever since. We did see each other every couple of months but we never got that close again, he also moved to another country closeby. I really fell for him though and all throughout the years I was never able to let go of him, he appeared in my dreams a

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle discusses: 1. How much do you owe your parents as they age? My father is very disagreeable and I hate being around him. As my father ages, he will need me to care for him more but I would like to move out of state. He does not have any savings to afford quality nursing home care. Do I need to take him with me because there would be no one else here to care for him? 2. I’m having environment issues and I’m really stuck as to what to do about it. I have a 36 year old special needs daughter.  Every chance I get, I sneak into her room and grab some cookies, or candy or whatever else she has stashed in there away from Mom. It’s really hindering my progress. 3. I am easily thrown off by simple things at work or in my personal life- and I'm a crier. My mom and I had a disagreement recently and I didn't get over it for over an hour and kept involuntarily crying because I was so upset that I disappointed her. I don't re-calibrate quickly from negative feedback and I'd like to learn how to

In today's replay of episode 211, Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk discuss: 1. How does neuroticism interact with IQ? We've all been in situations where a reasonable point of view is met by a barrage of irritable insults. Are people whose emotions play such a major role able to reason in an abstract and measured way, or does high neuroticism knock off the equivalent of 10 or 20 IQ points? Has this ever been studied? 2. What are the uses and limits of trying to create habits? For example, I often try to establish patterns of doing the dishes before bed, going to bed early, showering early during the day, cleaning regularly and the like, but it inevitably falls apart like someone coming off a diet. In what areas are/situations is it worth bothering, and how do I keep of track? How do I alter the CB amd make my conscious priorities into my nervous system's priorities too? 3. My husband had an affair last year, but we are slowly working through things ourselves and taking steps to save our marriage for our children. 1. H

In today's episode, Dr Lisle & Howk discuss the following questions 1.My friend (washed up Jimmy) felt that the Doctors were undervaluing 'washed up Jimmys' potential contribution to a relationship. He made an interesting point.  In a society that is bringing women into the workforce, there will inevitably be more relationships with higher earning females. We can see that this will run afoul of our ancient attraction circuits. But isn't this a necessary trade off of the gender equality movement?If women in the workforce must "status-settle" on a lower earner, why not have a washed up Jimmy, as opposed to a low earning Horace? Horace can neither provide sexuality nor security. Maybe this is why this is a recurring dynamic in Dr. Howk's practice. The conversation got me thinking that perhaps a society that adheres to traditional genders roles is more conducive to viable romance. 2.I recently tried and failed to make my best friend into a trading partner. She needed money and seemed like she would be an asse