Beat Your Genes: An Evolutionary Psychology Podcast For Finding Happiness In The Modern World

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld.  Question 1: I had a very traumatic childhood, but I don't blame my experiences with my violent alcoholic mother for any of my stupid adult decisions.  I did those all on my own -- with some help from my parents' genes, of course.  What Dr. Lisle teaches on this topic makes sense to me.  I have a friend who, by any measure, had a much less traumatic childhood.  In fact, I don't think it is fair to say that her childhood was traumatic at all. There weren't any drugs or alcohol in her childhood home, and, according to her, she didn't experience any physical, verbal or sexual abuse. Her physical needs were all taken care of and, at the time, she says she felt very loved by both her parents.  She is no longer close to them.   Looking back over her life at the age of 60, she now believes that her emotional needs weren't properly addressed when she was a child. Consequently, she has recently concluded that her probl

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld.    Intro 0:00 Question #1: 0:30 I have been with the same man for 13 years (since I was 19) and we have 2 children together. Though we have had our ups and downs and areas of incompatibility I believe our relationship is good, I love our family and want it to continue. However there is a part of me that wishes to fall in love with someone new again and feels regret about committing to someone when I was so young. What I don’t understand is the several times we’ve had a relationship crisis it would be him who wanted to leave. At those points the part of me that fantasizes about a new romance completely fades away and all I care about is getting him back again. Why is this? Dr. Lisle answers: 1:18 Question #2: 35:40 I recently shared a passionate kiss with a married man. I'm worried the village might know. Small town and all. I don't want to be labeled as a bad person. This individual likely has their reasons. I

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld.  Question 1: How do I get back to being happy with so much violence and negativity swirling around in the news and in the world? No matter what has been going on in my life, I have always tended to be happy and optimistic, but recently it feels like everything seems pretty bleak in the world and it is bringing me down. I truly don't have any reason to be unhappy- I am part of a magic 10% marriage, I have a good job and great friends and make good money, and truly, want for nothing, but I am fighting feeling sad and anxious about everything going on around me even though I don't watch the news and am not on social media. Question 2: Dear Dr. Lisle, I’m a 25 year old woman and I am unmotivated, have no career, no passions or purpose in life because my family is extremely rich. I am set to inherit a ton of money (tens of millions of dollars) from my parents, so basically I am set for life if I do absolutely nothi

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld.  In today's show, we discuss  staying a virgin until marriage, and what to consider when having second thoughts before marrying.   1. I am a 32 year old female, Catholic and I want to wait until marriage to have sex. Not 10 paid dates, but marriage. However, it seems that nowadays no one is willing to wait. All the religious men I know that are my age are already married or even they didn’t wait. I don’t know what to do. I am still a virgin even at my age and I don’t want to give up my values just because men are used to living in an over sexualized world and want instant gratification. How do I approach this problem? 2. I’m a 45 year old female and about to get married for the first time but have second thoughts. A few years ago I met a man and he is now my fiance and we live together. He is very nice, smart, has a good personality, and is fairly attractive, but I never had intense passionate feelings for him

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld.  In Today's show, we discuss a listener's struggle with being attracted to men her own age, and then Dr. Lisle discusses a question about whether 10 paid dates strategy is outdated.   To listen to past episodes that discuss 10 paid dates, check out episodes 18, 22, 35, 96, 151, 164, and 284. Today's questions:  1. I’m a 41 year old female. A combination of good genetics, good diet, exercise, good skincare, staying out of the sun have allowed me to look like I’m in my late 20’s even though I am actually 41. I always looked younger than my age and I have what is called a “baby face.” I’m not at all a narcissist, but I would rate myself a 9 even at my age. As a result, I don’t find any of the men my age to be attractive. i have dated men in their 20’s and they were definitely attracted to me, but were turned off when they found out my age, even though I look much younger. My question is, how do I get myself to be

A visionary physician and author, beloved husband, father, grandfather, brother, mentor and friend, Dr. McDougall died peacefully in his sleep at his home on Saturday, June 22nd, at the age of 77. Dr. McDougall leaves behind a profound legacy and in today's show, Dr. Lisle shares some stories and memories of Dr. McDougall. Follow us: YT: @beatyourgenes X: @beatyourgenes Insta: @Beatyourgenespodcast Web: www.beatyourgenes.org Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld.  In Today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses the overlap of Big Five traits in normal human behavior and how to understand the conceptual framework rather than getting bogged down in formulaic thinking.  Our next question has to do with anti-anxiety medications and whether they are ever worth taking.  Then we wrap things with a question about being in a great marriage to a best friend but whose romance is fading.  1. The big five traits overlap way too much! for ex is someone nice because they are agreeable or because they are extremely conscientious and believe it is the right way to behave or are they just intelligent enough to understand that being nice is an advantageous strategy to get people to cooperate with them? any new developments in the field of personality? 2. Are there any situations or personality types where you believe taking anti-anxiety medications would be a good choice? Versus just seeing a good

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. Today's topics are about people who seek and only feel relief if they have deep understanding about certain subjects, a parent who appears worn out from an estranged adult child, and a young man unsure about a long-term relationship. Listener Questions: Throughout my life, I continue to encounter people who have a deep attachment to understanding. They seem to only feel satisfied, secure or at peace if they understand their object of attention, feel they have a concrete plan of action, or believe that they know all the details there are to know about a situation. Not having these things leaves them anxious, unsteady or even prone to despair. What personality and evolutionary factors are at play here? Most "experts" blame the parents when their adult children estrange from them. Even when there was no abuse, neglect, drugs,etc when they were growng up, and their childhood seemed pretty normal and enriched with

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD, discuss the following listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. 1. What do you make of the common description that narcissistic/highly disagreeable people “wear a mask.” Do high disagreeables go around actively and purposefully fooling people about their true feelings and intentions any more than other people do? We all try to put on a good face for the most part, but is this actually more true for certain personalities types? 2. I discovered your podcast a while ago, and I've been fascinated. However, something sat not quite well with me, and that is that I couldn't integrate my experience of trauma within your framework. I've been raised by Narcissistic people, and ever since then, I found myself regularly in Close relationships with various narcissistic people. As far as I understand you, this is purely because those can be attractive people and has nothing to do with my upbringing. And I think it does; I think that simpl

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses a listener question with host, Nathan Gershfeld. In episode 328 dr lisle answered a questioner who was frustrated about their lower income relative to friends. One aspect of that question was that life isn’t always about making money or climbing dominance hierarchies. In fact the very same instincts to keep pursing more can lead you to being unhappy. How then does one navigate when to pursue more and when to beat the genes? Are there any rough approximations for gauging this? Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast Watch this episode on Youtube!   @BeatYourGenes Host: Nathan Gershfeld                               Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D.  Podcast website:  http://www.BeatYourGenes.org True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : http://www.TrueToLife.us  Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus - Licensed for use

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss twin studies, behavioral genetics, and the logic of evolutionary psychology with host, Nathan Gershfeld Paper mentioned : https://tinyurl.com/j3c7tbt7 Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast Watch this episode on Youtube!   @BeatYourGenes Host: Nathan Gershfeld                               Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D. Podcast website:  http://www.BeatYourGenes.org True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : http://www.TrueToLife.us  Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus - Licensed for use

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discuss the following listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld 1.  I’m a 29 year old economics major and I’m frustrated because I see friends who have gone into investment banking, big law or medicine on track to make 5-10x my yearly salary. I’m making a decent living on 60k a year but I feel like an idiot for choosing my major and now it feels too late to change. What would you have to say for someone in my position? It feels like I squandered an opportunity. I know life is not just about making money but it’s a hard thing to ignore. 2.  My daughter is a good student and athlete, but she has low self-esteem. How can I help her increase her confidence?   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast Watch this episode on Youtube!   @BeatYourGenes Host: Nathan Gershfeld                               Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. Podcast website:  http://www.BeatYourGenes.org True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : http://www.TrueToLife.us   Intro & outro so

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld Today's question:  Is psychology doomed to remain a pseudoscience based on the crowd of people who self select to go into psychology? Im a university student and it from what i can tell, the vast majority of my peers and lecturers have no interest questions like why are we this way, how did we get here? Could it have happened any other way? Instead they are mainly just interested in having self serving theory that make them feel comfortable. With one of my lecturers, i was having a conversation about Norway's adoption studies showing that adopted children had their income, criminality and income correlated with their biological parents and not their adoptive parents. My lecturer said to me “i wouldn’t want to live in a world where genes are all that matter”. It feels to me that the major obstacle to psychology is the 90% of psychologists who think this way, and that no matter h

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD & social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD  discuss the following situation with host, Nathan Gershfeld: I cheated on my husband three years ago while traveling for work.  It was a one-night stand and we didn't exchange numbers or keep in contact.  I don't even know his last name.  Until last month, I've never told anyone about this event.  At the time I cheated, I didn't really care because my marriage was rocky and I felt unappreciated.  But my huusband and I reconnected during quarantine and I started to feel extremely guilty.  Last month, I thought I would try going to confession with my parish priest. He said I need to tell my husband as part of my penance.  I wasn't really sure how to do that, so I've sat on it.  Last weekend, I came home to my husband throwing all of my stuff out of the bedroom and trying to kick me out of the hoouse. He knows everything. Apparently, the priest followed up to see if I'd told my husband, and when my husband said he didn't understand

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld: 1. Help! My son just turned 8. He has acquired part of his personality from my mother- he can be loud and will overreact or get really angry about things. This includes being told he needs to stop an activity because we are leaving the house, etc. I am trying to help him manage these outbursts because kids are starting to make fun of him at school for them. Do you have any specific strategies that would help or should I focus more on his diet and sleep? He is normally a sweet boy and these outbursts have improved with age but I feel he needs more support. 2. Is there anything that is the opposite of the ego trap when you have been repeatedly told negative things like that you are worthless and will never amount to anything? If the ego trap is demotivating, is hearing the opposite motivating? If so, can't it also be extremely demotivating as well, especially if your mind is doi

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD  discusses the following listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld: 1.  I'm trying to decide whether to go back to work a year after my second child, or to stay home with her till preschool. I have heard you say on your podcast 'it doesn't matter who raises your kids' which I understand to be a reference to twin studies that show that parents have very little influence on how their children turn out (outcomes are about 80% genetic). How do you square this with attachment theory, and psychologists who say that children need one primary caregiver for the first three years or they will be beset with anxiety and depression in their teen years. I am thinking of the book 'being there' by Erica Komisar in which she advocates very strongly for being a stay at home mother for the mental health of your children. I would like to have a third child, but being out of the workplace for 6 years would dent our finances and possibly my self esteem. 2. Dear doctors, I grew up in

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener questions: 1.  Can all personality types be equally happy if they apply diligent effort to worthwhile goals? ie all other things being equal, would a low conscientiousness individual be as happy as a high conscientiousness individual if they both applied their version of diligent effort and equally felt they hadn't left 'anything on the table' (despite those levels of effort and results being very different) 2. You have previously characterized men as "pair bonders or not." How has on-line dating changed the CB here for both sexes? 3. I am 51, happily married for 2 decades and have 1 child. We recently had a huge fight regarding whether we have a responsibility to help others. We have a friend who had a messy, complicated divorce and is struggling financially while still fighting her ex in court over child custody and business matters. He is a lying, unpredictable scam artist . As much as I feel sorry

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener questions: 1. I have a friend who is very active in fighting for workers' rights. In fact he has a high level job in one of my country's major trade unions. He often organises protests, and is always the first person on the frontline with the megaphone. On a personal level, he is quite overweight, and I know for a fact does not help out much at home with housework and childcare. I used to think that social activists and social justice warriors were high conscientious types. But now I'm wondering if it is actually a mixture of disagreeableness and extraversion. Are people like Rosa Parks and Greta Thunberg, who we hold up as icons, conscientious or disagreeable, or a mixture of both? 2.  I am a woman in my 30s and I struggle with severe social anxiety and it seems like no matter what I do I can't get better. I'm terrified of wasting any more of my life due to my fears and avoidance behaviors. It's even

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener question: Why do people love formulaic media and entertainment? Most of the pop music that dominates the charts is nearly identical. It uses the same four chords in the same progression with similar melodies and lyrical themes. Most of the blockbuster films that gross massive amounts of money tell variations on the same story with similar effects, music, and actors. This seems even more pronounced in the era when massive franchises like Marvel and Star Wars reboot and re-hash the same stories/characters over and over… and over. Even content on TikTok or instagram tends to be made from a formula— the influencers tend to look the same, use the same music, and say/do the same things. Whether in music, film, TV, or social media, we seem to be stuck in a rut where very little “original” art rises to the surface.  I know there is a pleasure trap aspect to this, but I am curious why the majority of our human

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD, social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD, and Nathan Gershfeld, DC discuss the following listener questions:  I am curious about the work of David Sinclair from Harvard about his anti-aging research. He makes some pretty fantastic claims. He does, for example, advocate for a plant-based diet, but then talks quite a bit about supplements, including prescription drugs like Metformin. I also heard him say that although plant-based diets are good, we must avoid foods that spike blood sugars - like rice and grapes. Aren't those whole foods? Grapes, really? What do they think of Dr. Sinclair's work...work considering or majoring in minor things? I’m on the highest end of a healthy weight range even on a whole natural foods diet composed of fruits vegetables whole grains and legumes, with at most 1 avocado per week and 1 tsp of flaxseed per day. No nuts or seeds. I’ve lost weight before by restricting and over exercising, but I couldn’t maintain it. However I felt much more confid