Delight Your Marriage

Get inspired and encouraged by Nick's story. It's amazing! They were miserable. He had plenty of ministry and church background. He certainly tried his best! They had 5-kids, including a brand new baby. But he and she had resigned themselves to misery. He didn't even want his kids to get married because it was so painful for both of them. But in 6 weeks it all turned around, by God's grace!   Why do I share this and other stories of God's transformation? 1 - Because you need faith that YOUR marriage can change.  2 - You can get specific insights that Nick changed and why his wife transformed.  3 - And to convince you that you need to take the free Masterclass coming up in October 11, 12 & 13.   delightym.com can get you straight to the Free Men's Masterclass sign up. (It's easier to type than delightyourmarriage.com but both will get you to the registration page!)   (To help spread the word about DYM--even internationally to countries where evangelizing carries the death penalty (not an exaggeration!)--le

Our society today so often wants to ignore God's design and essentially forget the fear of the Lord. But, he made men and women in His image and those uniquenesses are incredible! Physiological, psychological, emotional, and sexual...UNIQUE. Each of our uniquenesses is God's glory revealed. It's our opportunity to search out His glory through each other.  And it makes sense that the enemy wants to undermine God's design in every way that he can. One way is pretending that we're the same.  Why is this bad? Well, husbands assume their wives are intentionally hurting them because she is "withholding" love (in the unique way he receives it), thus grounds for unfaithfulness/divorce/all manner of destruction. And wives assume their husbands are intentionally hurting them because he is "withholding" love (in the unique way she receives it), thus grounds for unfaithfulness/divorce/all manner of destruction. But if we start with the perspective: My spouse, my "ezer kə·neḡ·dōw" (from Gen 2:18), is WILDLY different than

Pastor Nathan's wife had abuse/trauma growing up that severely inhibited her sexual desire and affection with him.  They were good people and she wanted to love him well, but couldn't because of her past.  And her libido was SO low.  Pastor Nathan went through the Masculinity Reclaimed program and his wife transformed before his eyes. (She didn't do a program). His favorite moment was when he said after a very passionate experience and he said "thank you"--she responded "well, it was because I wanted it so badly"! -- Pastor Todd & Donna had a great marriage. (Donna joined him for this interview!) They come from a long line of pastors and are very busy doing a lot for others.  And it was really good -- but intimacy was physically painful for Donna and she also had low drive. Pastor Todd joined the MR program (almost by accident) and he felt like he didn't belong there because everyone seemed to have it much worse.  And he felt that her physical pain wasn't because of him at all.  But, he took a step of fai

This is the next part of Communication Secrets and I think it's an important addendum.    We talk about what to do when you're disappointed with your spouse.    When you want them to change.    When you feel they were irresponsible.   I have two examples for you:  1 - When a friend was irresponsible and God brought conviction even when He kept me from saying anything. 2 - When I was irresponsible (I know---unbelievable!) and God brought conviction even when my husband didn't say anything.   I hope this brings you encouragement, direction, and skills as you attempt to live God's way in your marriage.   Love,  Belah   PS - The free Masterclass is coming up soon (for a limited time) and I encourage you to sign up ASAP so you don't miss it! delightyourmarriage.com/masterclass PPS - I'm excited to invite you to an "Intimacy Secrets Summit" that I was honored to be a part of. A superstar cast of intimacy experts that I would encourage you to get a seat with! Coming up next week!

So much stress revolves around communication. I've been there! My husband and I have miscommunications everyday. Today, for example, I was telling him about a sore in my mouth and he was sure I was talking about Europe.  That is silly and allowed for laughter. But what about when someone is lost and just hoping for the other to quickly look up directions. Or when you're in a stressful situation and one of you is incomprehensible (to you).  Well, I want to invite you to reframe what good communication is.  I want to invite you to consider what really matters in communication with your spouse.  I try to debunk some unhelpful cliches: "Your spouse should be your best friend", or "You have to be compatible with someone to be happy", or "If you don't connect on common interests, you'll die a miserable, lonely, painful death.” Alright, that last one isn't a cliche I've heard! (but maybe have felt?) Let's get some fun back in our lives and let miscommunication be the fodder!   Blessings, Belah PS If you need immedia

Two brothers were at the playground the other day.  I was talking to their mom. This happens to be a beautiful playground with a huge fountain and amazing monkey bars, places to run, sand, swings, ride-on toys, and loads of other kids to play with.  But guess what these two did? They fought over the same circular "stool" to stand on! The mom and I laughed. With everything available for them to do, THAT is what they had to fight about. Then I think about God.  We get into squabbles with our spouses. Over... Who told the story most correctly, who knows the quickest way to the store, what they really meant by that phrase, whether or not they're late, who squishes the toothpaste out correctly... Oh... Higher than the heavens are above the earth are His thoughts higher than our thoughts, are His ways higher than our ways. God have mercy! May we get it right...get into God's will for us.  That starts with the fear of the Lord. The fear of the Lord puts our lives, habits, tiny things we do, and ways of being into th

I really do mean this title.  I keep seeing miracles, but when people don't recognize God's working in their lives... it may not continue.  It seems that sometimes people can get so fixed in a mindset of misery that when God does a miracle, they can think it was just a fluke and go back to their same ways of thinking.  The problem with that is, when your wife does something out of the ordinary and you don't thank God for it and have a grateful heart about it, she thinks it didn't matter to you and doesn't do that, or anything more, again. Or, if your husband finally does some movement in the direction you've desperately prayed for him to go, but you don't believe it's really real, he decides it doesn't really matter to you so he decides he won't do that (very vulnerable) thing again. We have to recognize God's miracle, let go of the past, trust His hand in our lives and live like He has done the work.  Ten lepers were healed. Jesus didn't call it faith that they were healed. He called it faith when the one le

Do not let the sun go down on  your anger IS a scripture.  But for us go-getters it often feels like an argument has to get settled before any of us go to sleep. So there we are fighting about sex at 12am and wondering why the conversation didn't make both of us feel warm and connected? My encouragement is to feel the anger (which probably is just hurt covered over by anger) and choose to take a break. Feel the feelings with God. Let them go. Forgive her.  My encouragement is to feel the anger (which probably is just hurt covered over by anger) and choose to take a break. Feel the feelings with God. Let them go. Forgive her. Forgive him. And... as the scripture actually reads:  "Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger". And get a good night's rest. Then be wise about how to have a real and connecting conversation in the future that moves the ball forward. Short and sweet today. But hopefully powerful for you! Blessings, Belah   PS - If you'd like some free downloads check them here:

I used to think I only respected someone if they deserved it. Whether that was my husband or the young adults I worked with. Which meant I didn't treat them with respect. Maybe not blatant disrespect as I saw it. But more neutral. Though I have come to find out "neutral" is generally not good. My natural tendency if I don't have the correct heart (that God created everyone and they should be treated with respect) is being mean. Maybe it's our human nature? Anyway, what I discovered is if I'm trying to tell my husband what's best for him, how he should improve, or what to do... He's busy being mad at me rather than listening to the Holy Spirit and discovering his own journey to growth.  (We want our husbands to be the spiritual leaders right? Then we've gotta stop being their spiritual leader. ​​And give them the space and support and encouragement to do it for themselves.) But he was so untrustworthy. Inconsistent. Unhelpful. Unreliable. Irresponsible. And worse... I was doing everything and unless I woul

We're all insecure.  Which I think is why God says "do not fear" so often in the Bible.  The only one we are to fear is Him. (Which when we get that right, it puts everything else in perspective and it's a lot easier to not fear everything else.) We have to take courage in all aspects of our lives in order to do God's will. And when we fear the wrong things we get off track.  Whether it's fearing rejection or meanness from your wife. Or whether it's fearing what he thinks about your body. When we take courage in one area of our life it permeates to others. When we take courage in our intimacy in our marriage, it permeates to taking courage to do what God wants us to do in other people's lives.  I am really excited to speak to you today about the fears that typically hold men and women back from doing intimacy the way I think God intends: naked and unashamed, aka naked and courageous.   Blessings, Belah PS - If you need to speak to someone about what a next step might be for you in your walk and journey.  You

If you've ever heard my husband on the podcast, you'll want to hear him now. I was speaking to a mom at the playground and she was remarking at how calm Darrow is. "I think babies love him because they can somehow sense his calmness and presence. It's very unique.” I couldn't agree more.   On today's episode, you'll hear the amazing stories! (I was hoping to go "rapid fire" through a ton of the stories... well, we definitely didn't do that, but I think it's actually a lot better this way.)   If you're a man who is suffering in your marriage, you will find encouragement, validation, and hope---you are not alone. Your marriage can change. It has for many others.   Where these men started from was seriously bleak. But, wow! It is wild to see where they they have gone! Darrow says it's like they were stuck in this deep, deep mud - frustrated, angry, in pain, sad, and ready to give up (you may be able to relate), and now they're on the red carpet - like a dream. No one would ever imagine they were ever in that spo

So, this is such a fun story to share. I believe it will inspire hope, excitement and most importantly faith that God can do this for you too! I remember speaking with Timothy on our first call together and the sincere pain and loneliness he felt with his wife which was so visceral and real.  He reached out firstly just to thank me for an encouraging podcast that he stumbled upon after a really tough moment between he and his wife and it encouraged him. My heart went out to him. A big part of him thought the state of his marriage was "just the way it was". How could a class fix that?    Timothy shares what happened to him when he got the tools and training of Masculinity Reclaimed. What happened to his marriage when he implemented it.  What changes he made. Week in and week out he "showed up" and did what I asked -- and what I think you can tell by listening to his story is that he changed.  She didn't know he was doing the program, but she started responding to his change. He was a "Delight Your Marriage bin

If you are wondering why she won't initiate or she doesn't have passion when you do...  Here are a few things you may be missing. Too many men reach out to me and work with me that need this.  If we really believe the Bible, then its instruction will solve the "unsatisfied sexually" dilemma in your marriage too! Spoiler alert: Being the spiritual leader is a turn-on for your wife! Here's why. Maybe it didn't matter to her early in your relationship, why would it matter now? Here's how. What does being the spiritual leader mean? What would help her to feel like you're filling that role? And here are practical insights to give grace that will motivate her. I fall prey to the issues all women fall prey to which cause us to lose focus on priorities. How do you help her in a way that motivates and does not repel or bring distance between you two?   You'll also hear from a missionary in a hard-to-reach country about how his marriage lacked passion and frequency, but he shares what he was getting wrong and how you c

Coming up on their 35th wedding anniversary, Kim didn't even want to celebrate. "I don't like you.... I don't want to be mean, but I don't want to lie either". And Kim definitely didn't want Russ to listen to my material. Because she didn't want him to think more about sex than he already did. But, after taking the Free Men's Masterclass, Russ felt God told him to go forward with the paid Masculinity Reclaimed program... without her knowledge. He felt (at least at first) it'd be better for her not to doubt his changes were sincere and not just to "get sex," plus he admitted his motivations became more sincere as he went through the program. But now she knows... And I'm excited for you to hear what happened at their anniversary just several days before this recording. How their marriage, intimacy, and kids have changed. And what SHE thinks about it all now. If you're suffering in your marriage with pain, feeling unloved, I think hearing from Kim's perspective what changed in her husband that drew her to

Today's topic is a topic that I hear a lot about from men and women.    I'm addressing men because I think there is a lot of misunderstandings about what turns a woman on. I want to give you some practical help. I'm not mincing words here (though I do make up my own--if you're a long-time listener you understand. :)   This may be some of my best guidance for men, and so I hope you listen with a pen and paper. But women may never have been able to articulate their challenges before, and this may give them language for it...       - What matters to her in orgasm    - How to tease    - How to make her enjoy the experience    - Why she doesn't now   Men, I believe this could transform your intimacy if you let it.   Blessings, Belah PS If you like this, I have a FREE Men's Masterclass coming up Monday, July 19, Tuesday, July 20, & Wednesday, July 21. This is a great effort for me and my whole team (including interactive coursework and an opportunity to win discounts or free coaching with me). Some men have be

Life is messy.    Things get busy.   Our focus can get on things that just don't matter.   But...    We get to start over.    We can take a breath.    We can reach to see God's perspective.    What does He think about this situation?    What matters to Him most in this difficulty?    I don't think we can see His perspective unless we're well-rested.    Unless we "come to Me all you who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest.”   It's a discipline to come to Him...to receive His rest.    It's a discipline to not fill your schedule, mind space, sad moments, loneliness, or even the spots of boredom with things that crowd out our possibility to ponder God's perspective on it.    Because God has a totally different perspective on our lives than we do.    We all get off-base.    Loving our spouses the way they receive love isn't natural.    We're seeking to do something supernatural when we love our spouses well.    So if you are noticing you're falling on your face while trying to do that, or you've got

She wanted nothing to do with touch, much less intimacy. For years.  She loved the Lord and it took a journey for Him to bring her to a place where she was ready to receive teaching around the importance of intimacy. When Dana felt like her marriage was all but broken and then God took her on a journey and helped her to see what was missing in their marriage.  They hadn't made love (at all) for years. And when she took the Free Women's Masterclass the Holy Spirit spoke to her and completely transformed her marriage in a week! And this is her story of transfomration. From being repelled by his touch to craving intimacy with her hubby! Blessings, Belah PS - If you'd like to take the Free Women's Masterclass that Dana speaks about it's available here for a limited time! delightyourmarriage.com/sc   PPS - If you're a husband who is hoping and praying for your wife to have this kind of transformation, let's see how we can help you. Fill out a Clarity Call application so you can speak to a DYM Clarity Advisor -- so

"It's part of life." But it really is, IF we're growing. If we numb and distract ourselves away from God's growth opportunities, we can really get off track.  When you have made a mistake, own it, apologize for it, learn from it, and tether yourself to Christ BECAUSE of it.  We can't do this on our own. We're not supposed to. And if you think you can, sin is probably getting in there.  When you make a mistake it is a grace.  "It is His kindness that leads us to repentance." Romans 2:4 How cool is it that he redirects us on THIS side of eternity.  Accept a failure as a gift. A gift to grow. A gift to say "never again". A gift to completely change everything. A gift to make an important tweak. A gift to make a life-altering habit change.  (Yes, habits alter our lives... more on that another time!) Bravo to you for growing. Bravo to you for listening to God's leadership. "His ROD and His staff, comfort me." Psalms 23:4 His rod is his direction and redirection -- we get to be comforted by the fact that He will no

When she says, "We just don't communicate," or "You never listen,"...she is talking about this learnable skill.    Listen to her heart. Listen to understand. Listen to let her know you understand and care.   Not listening to respond or even defend yourself.    It is to listen to her emotions and sit with her in her pain. To be curious and to give her a safe space to share. When she shares her emotions (her heart) vulnerably, you are witnessing courage.    You are on sacred ground.    Tread carefully and gently.   For Mother's Day, just the other weekend --   Did I get diamonds?    A weekend getaway at a fancy resort?    A stainless steel, 14-quart Instant Pot Duo Mini 7-in-1 Electric Pressure Cooker?   I mean...    Sure those would have been good gifts.   But...   what I got was priceless:    Hours of his full attention.    He got excited about what I shared.    He cared about what matters to me -- how I'm growing,    how I was feeling,   and genuinely wanted to hear more.    He noticed my feelings -- wanted

It's ok to not feel amazing in your marriage all the time. This is real life and sometimes things happen.  Someone gets sick. Someone is tired. Someone was selfish. Someone wasted away their entire Saturday watching superhero movies and didn't feel like being an intentionally seductive tigress. (This last one was definitely me).    Your spouse is wonderful, but even in the best marriage there will be moments of the negative side of the wave. And that's ok. That's normal.  If you're a 2 out of 10 and on the best days you're a 4 out of 10... I want you to get to a 9 out of 10 and the bad days are just a 7 out of 10. So, get your marriage to a better spot but when you're up there in your healthiness, expect waves.  Also, if you want to work with Belah to get your marriage healthy (up your marriage to an 9 or 10), find out more by getting on a call with her or a member of her team to see if it's a good fit. Fill out an application here: delightyourmarriage.com/cc