Delight Your Marriage

I am sharing the episode that has the most downloads at Delight Your Marriage of all time!   Blessings, Belah PS - Also, I have many free resources and would love to invite you to check them out: delightyourmarriage.com/free PPS - If you need help with your marriage -- do not hesitate to apply for a free Clarity Call. One of our Clarity Advisors (a former graduate of a DYM course themselves and experienced transformation in their own marriage) will guide you through the process to determine how we can help you. Sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/cc A recent grad wrote, "I could probably fill a journal with the celebrations I experienced in the program!... By far, the biggest celebrations have been what God has done in my heart! Our sex life has never been better… our times of making love are passionate, tender, emotional and spiritual."

If your marriage is still plagued by your past mistakes -- she brings up what happened 20 years ago... or he brings up how you used to be all the time...   What can you do to heal it? How can you two move forward and actually build a better marriage?    I would like you to remember some important scriptures on this topic:  It is His kindness that leads us to repentance. He disciplines those He loves.  Whoever heeds discipline shows the ways to life.   And then this is the one that's super practical:  "if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First, go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift."   How do you reconcile?  Apologize.    How do you make your apologies effective?  That is what I want to walk through with you on this episode.   I want you to have all of the know-how to get out there and do the scary, excruciating but necessary thing of owning your side and apologizi

When I look back on my life -- when I see what is currently unseen -- when I see Jesus face to face -- when all has been revealed... I am convinced I will be BLOWN AWAY by the love I never realized He truly had for me.  In the Bible, it says that God feeds the birds. (Mt 6:26) He FEEDS the birds.    I was observing birds yesterday in the park.  There are tons of them, flitting around, this way and that.  And yet the God of the universe cares about His creation, so much so, that He Himself feeds the birds!    He is intimately aware of your life and what you're going through.  And He is feeding you. He is clothing you. He is giving you far more than just that. He wants you to realize that in every good AND in every suffering, He remains good.  There is SO much you (and I) cannot see.  He allows suffering for His reasons only He can see. But when you trust this truth that He is the one that gives everything that is right in your life -- it allows you to see the suffering better. You can endure the suffering with

You're doing it. You want to hear where you might need to grow. You want to see where you might not see yet. That was Meredith's heart and what led to their amazing transformation.    It is God's kindness to lead us to repentance.  He loves those He disciples.  What are Christians...? Who are Christ-followers...? What is a Disciple of Jesus? We're the ones who ask: "Jesus, what do you want to teach me? What can I learn to be more like you? How can I walk more in your will today? Show me. Teach me. Guide me."   We are all broken and blind to many things. (I am in that category, for sure!)  We are all missing some things that others already know -- because God opened their eyes.   If you click this episode, I am proud of you. You are seeking how you might need to change. You are seeking what God might want to show you, too, just as He opened Meredith's eyes.    This is a story of transformation from a woman who chose to see the world as God set it up.  Not because it's easy.  Not because it's "natural". Not bec

If you have temptations to jealousy, here's what I recommend.  If you've listened to the transformation stories and become upset, angry, bitter, resentful... I want to give you some ideas on what to do. I get that way too. I have certain triggers that throw me completely off.  You might as well.  I want to give you some ideas on how I deal with my triggers.  And I want you to get really CURIOUS about what you can learn from these triggers to jealousy and how you can end the cycle.    Blessings, Belah   PS -- We'd love to help you on a Clarity Call, feel free to sign up for a free one here: delightyourmarriage.com/cc We get to see miracles everyday and we'd love to help you.

I've been there.  Angry because he wouldn't change.  Hurt because he wasn't giving me what I needed. And God was kind to me.  He helped me to see that there were places in my heart that needed to be utterly changed.  This journey to freedom in your marriage is one that should start with the heart.  If you're a wife, you may see yourself in Emily's story. I know I do.  If you're a husband, you can see more of how you can serve and love your wife, and also, have hope that God can do miracles in your marriage.  Looking forward to you being blessed by God's kindness through this testimony of Jesus' transformation. Blessings, Belah PS - If you'd like to find out how your marriage can shift in the ways Emily speaks about, I invite you to join a free Clarity Call ($300 value) at delightyourmarriage.com/cc We'd love to serve you and witness God do a miracle in your life as well. Schedule now: delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPS - Last year, Belah was part of the special intimacy expert panel in the 2021 Sex Seminar (a hug

"I was pretty much done with life...I wouldn't have minded if I passed away. If this is all life has to offer, what's the point?"   A father of 7. Deep sadness of his inner life.  Deep pain. Desperation.   But then... God did an incredible, incredible, incredible thing.   This title doesn't by any means tell the whole story. But I want you to hear the incredible result that God did. (My other suggested title was "Zero/yr to 5x/wk and She Didn't Know He Did the Program!") However, the process is what God did in His heart and the fruits showed up in his marriage and intimacy.   And after 10 months of nothing, she started initiating (A LOT) and loving him the way he receives love (in response to his change.)   My favorite part of this story? That there are seven children growing up in a happy home. A man who no longer hopes for the end, but one who looks forward to what God is doing through and in his life. That is a good God story. Blessings, Belah PS -  If you'd like to have access to the program that Ken to

They're saying a lot of hurtful things. They're saying it in a mean tone of voice. Their face has the look of disgust, or worse.   You can feel your temperature rising.  You can feel your face getting red.  You can feel your rage welling up from the pit of your belly.    Is it righteous indignation? Is it because they need godly correction -- and fast? Is it that you're just plain tired of being unfairly beaten down?   Well... In the midst of that moment of emotional alarm... When the atomic bomb is counting down and it feels like everything has to happen right then, or else... And your "wise brain" - the prefrontal cortex - has gone completely offline and your "childish/immature brain" is the only thing left and can't seem to see anything but red alarm bells everywhere...   Here are 3 tools to dismantle the bomb BEFORE the explosion detonates and destroys and/or damages all that you hold dear ...hurting the people you love the most - those you're assigned by God to protect, respect, love, and cherish.   But

SO much packed in here, but I tried to narrow it down so you have a helpful summary. We go deep in this episode, I really think it'll help you. Three points are made in this episode: 1 - Your feelings are God given and He wants to do something because of them. 2 - It is healthy and even Jesus-like to express your frustration emotions (without hurting anyone) and grieve through your sad emotions (tears are important). 3 - Regardless of your lot in life, it is your responsibility (not your family of origin, perhaps you didn't have a good role model, maybe you were exposed to porn, or your wife doesn't have wholehearted sex with you every other day...) to correctly follow God with your emotions.    A lot of men learned to deal with frustration through masturbation and/or pornography. It was a very tactical way to get frustration out of their body.  However, that stunted the opportunity to get frustration out in a healthy way, so that their brains could develop in the way God wanted it to -- with empathy, gentlen

This is a great sadness to me. When a wife steps out (even an inch) from her comfort zone and her husband mishandles this vulnerability.  Whether it's an inch sexually or in any part of their relationship...vulnerability should be appreciated and complimented and encouraged.  Your response to her discovery of more sexual freedom (big or small) should be, "Oh! How can I love HER more, too?" Not, "Oh, how can I perfect/change/improve her attempts?" Because the second piece undermines her sexual freedom. That is what saddens me and makes me pray that God will help me do this thing better.  That's why it grieves me at times that my podcast can be heard by both men and women... because the enemy WANTS your focus to be on yourself.  The enemy wants you to be focused on whether or not you're getting your "fair share". Or on "how can she love me better".  But if we can be more like Christ and put the focus on the other "how can I love her better?" How can her attempts to love me... inspire me to love HER!? That's the

I never want to "get over" the miracles we see, daily. But, you will be blown away by what God continues to do. It can happen for you. It can happen for your friend. It can happen for your acquaintance.  Families do NOT need to be torn apart. Husbands do not need to cry in their cars of loneliness due to lack of intimacy. Kids do not need to grow up fearful and stressed because of the strife in the home. Ministries don't need to be undermined by leadership infidelity (privately or publicly.) God can change it all.  It's not automatic.  It is a system.  A strategy. A... program.  By God's grace, He uses "Masculinity Reclaimed: Be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy & love being married again" for amazing purposes.  For His glory. Listen in to understand that the work is heart work but the results are true healing, connection & intimacy. Could it all be different in just 3 months? Maybe! For these gents -- it was! Join us: delightyourmarriage.com/minvite  Blessings, Belah PS - This cohort closes Monday, Ap

(Enrollment is open for Masculinity Reclaimed program -- check it out here delightyourmarriage.com/minvite -- closes April 4, 2022) -- Skeptical. Yep, that's Bill :)  (Ehemm, *was* Bill). I don't blame him. He had been through it. His first marriage didn't work out.  He came to peace with being single for the rest of his life, until his (now) wife came along.  Things were good for a while. Until they weren't. And then that lasted 20 years.  Bill went through these two major heartbreaks... there's only so much heartbreak we can go through til we don't want to have hope that it could change.  Why would it. How could it. It's been like this for so long.  Well, though skeptical, he thought he would try the program just for the betterment of himself.  And he worked hard -- ups and downs -- because it's real life. But after a year of continuing what he learned -- he's here to say that it can change.  Completely.  God brought him closer to Himself than he had been for many years. And God utterly transformed their ma

Click here to sign up for the all-new Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations course! THIS Monday, March 28, 2022! delightyourmarriage.com/menscourse -- How many broken, sad, dramatic stories have you heard this week, this month, this year? Where hearts are broken and families torn apart? Maybe you're even in a similar situation. This is why I want to share as many of these transformations as possible. Here's where Steve began... "I felt like I was looking down a long dark tunnel and there was no light at the end. Divorce wasn't an option. But I was feeling hopeless it could ever be different." Sadly, this is not the first time I've heard a husband describe his marriage that way. He is committed to Jesus. He loves his family. He wants his kids to grow up in a Godly home, with joy and laughter. And he wants them to see what a wonderful marriage can look like. But instead, his wife is cold. Stand off-ish. Sex is just a scheduled thing that happens because it's on the (very bottom of) her checklist. A lot of frus

Duty sex…this is such a huge challenge for SO many couples - on both sides of the aisle!   Husbands and wives, how does our personal approach to sexual intimacy affect our spouse?    Does sexual intimacy within our marriage lead us toward one another or away from one another?   And if it often or sometimes leads us away from each other, is that our Creator’s intention? How do we fix this? Can it be fixed?   The fact of the matter is, the answers to these questions can be hard to come by! There just isn’t a lot of guidance out there for couples who want a God-honoring sexual relationship in their marriage!    If sexual intimacy is a gift from our Creator - and we know that ALL of His gifts are good - then why is this area of our lives so often filled with hurt and pain?   Does it really matter whose fault it is? Playing the blame game doesn’t fix the problem, does it. Can one spouse change the dynamics in our marriages? YES - a thousand times, YES!! We’ve seen it! We’ve experienced it!   Here at Delight Your M

I promise I didn't put them up to this... But I was nervous about what they'd say, so I asked if they'd let me hear it before it went live.  Golly... made me blush and eyes water. It meant a lot to me.  But more than that, I hope you feel like you've been invited into our DYM family virtual living room and know that we love you and we care about you.  This DYM Team is truly amazing. I am honored and blessed to be a part of others doing this amazing work.  I just came back from sabbatical this week, and things are better than when I left :) So, God is working through these wonderful individuals and I'm so glad you finally get to meet: Dana, Darcy, Kevin, Vikas, Kyle, and Ali! I believe that you'll be encouraged to hear more of their stories and their work. May it comfort you! (If it can happen for them, it can happen for you! Don't lose heart!) Love & Blessings, Belah   PS -- if you'd like to witness your marriage transform as these team members have (all of them saw dramatic changes in their marr

Have you lost hope of your marriage EVER changing? You're not alone! Many who come to Delight Your Marriage (DYM) have all but given up on their marriages. Some who come here, are separated and/or on the verge of divorce. Many others, have good marriages but want an even better one! In regard to the specific challenges that Minister Matt and his wife experienced in their marriage, he shares, "I kind of resigned myself to, 'That's what it is and this is how it's going to be.'" After finding Delight Your Marriage, "It gave me hope for the first time in a long time." Minister Matt found the supportive community within DYM to be a key factor to helping guys to continue moving in the right direction.  For those of you who are in ministry and feel somewhat isolated to get the help you need in your marriage, DYM is the ideal place to come! Your marriages are likely under a higher level of enemy attack because of your position as a leader in your church or ministry. We welcome you and offer a safe and godly environme

How would you rate intimacy in your marriage…any type of intimacy?    Do you wonder why intimacy is such a difficult topic in marriage? Do you wish you could understand why husbands and wives see this topic so differently?   How do you know if you’re off target in how you relate to your spouse?    Maybe you feel like you’re not the one with a problem, it’s your spouse… “You don’t know what you don’t know!”  Listen in as Pastor Luke shares how things that he thought he knew and had a handle on, had a whole new light shone on them in Masculinity Reclaimed. He also discovered that some things that he had once found confusing, now seem so clear!   Pastor Luke explains why he thinks Delight Your Marriage is effective, “It’s easy for women to understand how women feel. It’s easy for men to understand how men feel, but if you can find a man who understands women or women who understand men, I think they have a responsibility to help bridge that gap. Belah has it and she is living into that responsibility. She is

"I wish I could have done this course before I got married." - Pastor Bennie This is a statement that we commonly hear at DYM. Whether a marriage is good or bad, whether couples have been married many years or few, marriage after marriage has been profoundly impacted through DYM - praise God! In this podcast, Pastor Bennie shares about his personal experience taking Masculinity Reclaimed - DYM's main coursework for husbands. He shares how the course helped him to better understand and love his wife and helps to address heart issues - which is the root of the problem to begin with. Pastor Bennie shares about the "massive" changes that he and other men in the course with him experienced while progressing through the course. You know, I don't know where you are in your marriage right now, but I would want for every marriage out there the great results that SO many couples are experiencing here at DYM! We invite you to consider if this may be the place for you to find breakthrough or even just a brand new level o

"She felt he was pushing her towards sex and she would pull away and it would make him angry". After 37 years of marriage, God has done a work in their marriage. Even though they were best friends, this was something that was always this "friction" between them. She felt like she was up against a wall all the time and being pushed caused her to have no libido. She had never, ever spoken to ANYONE about sex, ever. And she said now she is able to speak about it. After 37 years of questions and pain, now she's feeling healing. He thought he was expressing his heart and it was just pushing me farther from him sexually. She says this freedom in intimacy "impacts everything". I think this will give you so much hope and insights into what you can do as a husband, and how you can be encouraged as a wife. God is still transforming hearts! Blessings, Belah PS - If you'd like to find out if a program that Julie was discussing that she or her husband went through, join us on a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc t

What a fantastic interview with Gary Thomas! If you're not familiar with him yet, I think you'll be glad that you are now! Gary has a new book out: Married Sex -- to add to the other books that have been such a perspective shift for me and many I know. His heart is specifically about God's design for marriage as an opportunity to grow closer to Him. I want to share one specific phrase, the tagline of his bestseller Sacred Marriage, "What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?" That inspires me and encourages me away from secular values and norms, and provokes me to be more aligned with God's will and desires. But know, dear listener, he believes that enjoyable and pleasurable sex is a great part of God's plan! How? Well, we talk about tools and tips and understandings around sex and the differences in men and women that can give you a whole different view of what God intended sex to be.  Gary helps people open their hearts to more. And because you can see so clearly his pursuit f