Delight Your Marriage

If you've ever seen a headline (one of mine or someone else's), "They did [this] and got [this]" you may have experienced a "transactional trigger".    My motivation is to attract people who need transformation in their marriages.    What I call "missional marketing", some may call "bait and switch", which is kind of true, too.   You may be someone who came for a certain outcome, but you listened and found out that to get that [thing], you have to change who you are - including your motivations.   For many, it works (by God's grace).    But, initially, it may have triggered transactional thinking for you.    This can lead you to believe that you’re guaranteed a certain result if you do [X] for your spouse.    Here's what I hope for you.    I hope that you'll start your journey with an expectation of an incredible marriage and sex life and end your journey with a completely different set of motivations: to love your spouse the way Jesus loves them. Unconditionally.    Whether they do X or not, you get to love

In our family, we are going through some important paradigm shifts around parenting - through a coach, articles, books, etc. It's great! It’s also hard to look at the mistakes.  The truth is that it is hard to change. It is not only difficult to do things differently, but it also takes courage. It takes courage to say, "You know what? I was doing things wrong and now I'm going to do it better.”  It's vulnerable and can feel excruciating - very! But it is strength, not weakness, to change. God is a good God and He will lead you when and how He wants you to change.  There are times the enemy will use those genuine convictions from God as opportunities to take you into a tailspin of self-doubt/self-loathing...don't let him!  Here are some fantastic tools to give you more insight to help you change faster without the issue of depression that you've done it wrong for so long.  That's the beauty of Jesus...He is leading you. He is guiding you.  He is revealing what He wants to reveal to you in the season He

Duty sex" or "lazy or selfish husband". These are phrases I hear a lot. And it's sad.  It's certainly not what a good and loving marriage should be. "Duty sex" often means a wife's body might be present during physical intimacy, but her mind and enthusiasm are far, far away. These are painful to a man's heart.  And "lazy or selfish husband" is usually the man who from her perspective takes her for granted--the romantic getaways, surprises and special gifts or experiences are long gone and his character is abysmal. These are painful to a woman's heart.  It comes down to our discipline to change these parts of ourselves. Feelings are important and God-given. They get to be acknowledged, drained, and let go. They are important, and you can curiously listen to them (in yourself and others), but at the end of the day they don't get to "drive your bus"--your values do.   In this episode, both husbands and wives will be edified to become more aware of their own gaps of discipline which is causing their feelings to

I talk a lot about success stories. To inspire you that transformation can happen and God does it all the time! But this is really all about unconditional love. That your actions and words towards your spouse are "I love you no matter what."  Why is that such a difficult posture to take with our spouse? I think our culture and society teaches us to compare, wrong ways of interacting with our spouse and a very "I won't do that unless you do this." So, this podcast episode is to... 1-Remind you that you're doing a really good job at a hard thing. The fact that you're listening in means you want to do this God's way--and I'm proud of you! 2-Remind you that this is all about loving the way Jesus loves.  3-What to cut out of your life that may be getting in the way of you doing this.   Bravo to you.    Love, Belah

2 Different Stories: 1 - Norm's wife shared that she wanted to end the marriage. That she didn't like or love him anymore.  ​ He prayed fervently, listened to, and read lots of resources (including to all of mine :), but he didn't realize he was missing some key components that were actually undermining the good he was doing. ​ He joined Masculinity Reclaimed (MR) because he wanted the marriage that he heard from other MR Graduates had. He shares the specifics of what he did that made the difference in his marriage: ​ "A complete 180...our marriage is completely reborn, everything is wonderful...she's pursuing me now." ​ Before frequency was 1x a month and often ending in an argument. But now she comes to him and it's about 3x a week. And it's open and loving with awesome visuals and freedom from her.  ​ She didn't know he did the program. And still doesn't know. But she says she's "in love" with him now! ​ He said "It's never been like this in our entire marriage" in intimacy and every other way. --  Here's

ANNOUNCEMENT: For those of you already registered for the FREE Masterclass---they are being released at 7pmEST, TODAY.  Or sign up here: delightyourmarriage.com/masterclass   --  About 15-20% of couples are "sexless" meaning very few instances of intimacy per year. When I work with these couples it's evident that both people are hurting. ​​And often the husband doesn't realize he's injuring his wife on a daily basis which prevents her from coming towards him in intimacy... which leads us to Paul's powerful testimony of Jesus' work in his marriage. This conversation is such a joy because you can’t help but be in awe of God after listening.    Paul and his wife had been married 38 years. And unfortunately, many of those years were sexless.    Though they spent 21 years in counseling, tens of thousands of dollars on counseling, they had experienced separations and he said they were housemates and often adversaries.   “The year before your course, we had sex 4 times” and as he puts it there was no intimacy, just

Have you ever felt like your intimacy was just a duty that needed to be marked off the “to-do” list? What about that sex was great physically but emotionally it was empty? Or, have you gone to bed wondering why this amazing, God-given thing is causing so much strife in your marriage? Kyle & Ali were both there at one point in their marriage… Ali saw sex as a “thing” that was constantly there pestering her. She was intimate with her husband to please him and only him. Their children noticed that their marriage was suffering. They were not emotionally connected, so they were not acting as a team. They communicated solely to run their family. But then... They took a leap of faith and joined the Delight Your Marriage men’s program and women’s program! Now Ali loves communication and their home is a “peaceful and cozy environment.” The pressure is gone and she feels the freedom to initiate. Intimacy is a priority now and not just another chore to be done. In fact, she shares,s, “I desire sex now! I didn’t thin

Anne and Glenn lived in a blissful honeymoon state at the beginning of their relationship, until their relationship quit growing and grew stale. They described it as being stuck in winter.   Anne felt like intimacy was an obligation and sex felt forced. She did not feel emotionally connected and he did not feel physically connected, so the suffering began.... and stayed for over two decades.    The power of a praying wife… God touched Glen and caused him to start a journey to better himself and turn his marriage around. He stumbled upon a Delight Your Marriage podcast and shortly afterward signed up for Masculinity Reclaimed.    In fact, at 3am God prompted him to sign up… and he’s glad he did!   He discovered how to date his wife again, how to connect deeper, how to forgive, and how to be vulnerable in his marriage. Not only did Anne begin to notice the changes, but so did their daughter and son!   The trickle effect continued when Anne decided to take the Delight Your Marriage, Intimate Freedom course. She

If you want your marriage to change... this is required. Faith. Faith that it will change. But how do you even get there? How does it relate to your life? I have some extremely practical ways for you to have a renewed sense of faith that things can change. Keep in mind, if you don't have faith things will change---undoubtedly they never will. It is so easy to compare our lives and our circumstances to those around us. Add on plenty of cultural norms that make negativity almost an expectation. That becomes the breeding ground for anxiety, worry, depression, and angst to grow.    But God has called us to live a life full of joy and abundance even in our marriage and intimacy.    Join me as we discover the deeper meaning of faith, what having a disciplined mindset means, and how to visualize positivity for our lives in the middle of a hard season.    Blessings, Belah    PS If you’d like to join the FREE training for women all about confidence in intimacy — which will be available for a limited time — go to delig

Today’s interview is with Jeremiah, a graduate of my Masculinity Reclaimed program. They had a pretty good marriage. And originally their sex life was pretty good, but life happened…   Like many of my listeners, once kids came into the picture things began to deteriorate in that department.    She no longer felt emotionally connected and he no longer felt fulfilled intimately.    Jeremiah realized he was only getting out of his marriage what he was putting into it; it was not actually all her fault.     So, he set out on a journey of self exploration, enrolled in Masculinity Reclaimed, learned how to emotionally connect with his wife, and slowly but surely progress began to follow.    At one point he basically says -- honestly, I thought the men you interviewed of their success through your program were paid actors… until it happened to our sex life!   But most importantly he shares in this episode the specific shifts he made in himself that transformed their intimacy.   Join me as we dive into how Jeremiah w

Frequently, men are craving intimacy more than their wives. If you're in that category, then this podcast will help you.    I have some very important lifestyle and in-the-moment advice for you when you are in the mood but she is not.    These are productive things you can do. And if you know me at all, I'm rooting for generous and fiery passion in your marriage, but... how do you get there?   Some of my advice may seem like it's not moving you in that direction. However, you may be surprised that when you become more the man God wants you to become--in the context of your marriage--your wife naturally is drawn to that. Intimately.    Lots of goodness in this podcast and I think it will help a lot of men get a vision of how to shift things long-term and even in the moment when they are desiring her.   Blessings, Belah   PS... For the free Men's Training coming at the end of March, go to delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining   For the free advice training for men who want to invite their wives to lis

Sex motivates us to be the men and women He wants us to be.    Men have to discipline themselves to be more like Jesus for her to want to have sex with him. For a woman to desire sex, she has to be at peace, confident, and aligned with God's priorities in who/what gets her time.    So, this podcast is directed towards women because often women are the organizers and they are the ones who tend to struggle to have passion. But what if there was a way to actually organize your life so that passion is a consistent desire and fulfilling activity?    That's what I want to talk to you about.   As Jesus followers, we are invited to do things that aren't the societal norms.    I think that passion for women is fairly "natural" for the first 2-3 years of a relationship/marriage. And after that it requires intentionality.    She just stops feeling it... nothing against that specific husband necessarily, she switches to life, busyness, mom - mode. And the attracting-that-guy-mode which heightened libido fades.   BUT! A

Darcy is a busy business owner, mother, and grandmother--married 28 years.  She loves God and has had a better than average marriage all that time. A friend of hers invited her to listen to the podcast--saying it had brought them to tears.  And when she listened, she too was brought to tears with a very different understanding of intimacy than she had ever realized.  God did an utter miracle in her heart and her marriage. For days she had a voracious appetite for intimacy with her husband. She says it gave her insight into how a man feels all the time. And she feels a oneness with him she's never felt previously. Her husband changed! His low-grade depression disappeared! He is becoming a better father and man of faith. He is thriving before her eyes. Their daughter even asked: "Mom, what happened to dad??" If you're a wife, I encourage you to listen with an open heart. God may want to speak to you through Darcy's story of love for Jesus. Which fueled a change of heart towards her husband.  I encourage you, if

I love new years because everything feels fresh and energized. Even though practically speaking it's the same as every other day, you just have to start training yourself to use a new number at the end of your dates. But I am all about using whatever energy there is to increase my chances of growth and change--in God's will.  So, that's what today's podcast is about. Becoming stronger in your vision. It's about realizing that you're going to stand before Jesus and He'll be curious what you did with your days, which lead to weeks, which lead to years and then decades. We must be cautious about how we spend our time, and spend it in priority to God's will.  I will show you the specific document I have used since 2013 and review at least quarterly to align my life with how I perceive God wants me to live.  I will also discuss the process I use to discern God's will for my life every quarter. Because I think we need to be considering God's will consistently in our lives and move towards it more and more every day

There are too many marriages flirting with divorce. You may be one, if not you probably know several. Maybe you're at a spot where you don't want to be there.  ...you want to run away.  ...you're exhausted.  ...your spirit is broken.  Maybe you've only ever thought it or maybe you've admitted it to others.  I want to invite you to take the power you have to see that there may be a real strategy to get this thing turned around. The podcast I released is a roadmap on how to get to a place this thing turned aroundce where you maybe, could possibly want to stay married.  It's not easy when you have been beaten down, neglected, rejected, controlled... What can you do?  I want to give you 5 Steps that if followed in order, can quite possibly save your marriage and actually make you want to stay in it! I don't have to convince you that your life (your kids' lives...) would be better if your marriage became healthy and loving again.  I hope you'll take the encouragement to focus on this and make these import

When we have a warm, loving culture in a family, passionate intimacy is the result. Or is it the cause? -- If you're listening to this in the present, our world is in many challenges and the holidays may look different than they ever have for your family. How can we see this as a gift? If you're a husband...  ​-you have an opportunity to shift the culture of your marriage to one that attracts your wife towards frequency, engagement, and freedom in intimacy.  If you're a wife...  ​-you have an opportunity to shift your intimate interactions to one which attracts your husband to be a man of the fruits of the spirit, romantic, and the spiritual leader. Either party can make important changes.  ​​But changes are hard and risky. Risking looking silly. Risking being laughed at or judged because this is outside of your "norm". ​​Luckily in the midst of the challenge, there is a huge opportunity to redefine your "norm". Redefine the culture of your marriage.  ​ ​​Making a culture that actually brings you

My conversation today is with a wife who had a persistent husband.    After he worked on himself (!) he highly encouraged her to work with me in a program. At first, she wasn't happy about it and she felt pushed into it. But through the process of understanding who her husband is... different than who she is, she discovered that God may be asking of her something that she didn't expect.  For wives: if you feel "pushed," (assuming there's not abuse and your husband is a good man) Diana's encouragement is to come at it with an open mind. "What do you have to lose? ...Your marriage"  I believe this conversation is one you won't want to miss!   For wives... Right now I have FREE training series for wives: Seductive Confidence, you can get it at delightyourmarriage.com/sc (Be sure to sign up right now so you can have access to the training!) For husbands: here's some free advice if you'd like to invite your wife to listen to my trainings: delightyourmarriage.com/advice

This is part 2 with my husband where we're talking about what seduction means to men.  Husbands: I encourage you to "catch" my husband's heart. That's what's so attractive. That spirit is what encourages me to be generous in the ways my husband desires.  If you want more insight, on how to introduce your wife to my material, I have a special FREE Advice for Men To Invite Their Wives training.    Wives: If you're a wife and want to get access to a FREE training called Seductive Confidence Masterclass. I am excited to encourage more women to grow in their God-given right to be free, playful, and loving through intimacy!   Blessings, Belah

Hi there,    Today is extra special because I have on the most amazing man I've ever met. Ehemm... my husband. :) If you want to know why I am the way I am (well, regarding the generous things in intimacy), it's because this gentleman loved me really, really well and continues to every day.   It's not necessarily intuitive, but it is God's way.   This conversation will be instructive for wives -- who feel insecure and challenged by seduction -- and husbands -- who want to be pursued with playful and fierceness.   For men - You'll find out that gentleness and compassion are the keys to her heart as well as specifically what to say to her that makes her want to make you happy intimately.  For women - You'll hear from a really good man, what seduction means to him and why it's important.    If you'd like to get a free download of some of my favorite seduction tips, you can go to delightyourmarriage.com/tips and you'll be signed up for the Free Training on Seductive Confidence coming soon! Blessings,  Belah