Polyamory Weekly

Advice from six different therapists, relationship coaches, and body workers on navigating family events as a poly person over the holidays 0:00 Introduction and host chat If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com My Thanksgiving Happy Poly Moment 5:25 Contact us Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email [email protected]. 5:45 Topic: Poly for the holidays 6:30 Ruby Bouie Johnson, Brené Brown’s BIG 10:45 Libby Sinback 15:00 Karen McDowell, Anxiety is an asshole course 21:00 Spyce 25:55 Anne More, email [email protected], Facebook 28:45 Nolan Lawless, Facebook 32:00 Join the conversation To join the online conversation around this and other episodes, follow us on Twitter or Facebook. We love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us

I have abandonment issues, but I don't know what I need when they come up. How do I ask my partners for what I need? 0:00 Introduction and host chat If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com Thanks to the Close In munch in Portland, Oregon! Poly for the Holidays contributions 1:55 Poly in the news November 23 was National Polyamory Day, and other poly holidays Discrimination in poly pregnancies 5:25 Contact us Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email [email protected]. 5:55 Topic: Dealing with abandonment issues Katie has abandonment issues and asks how to better cope with them when poly. She knows she has them but doesn’t know what to ask for when they arise. Knowing and identifying is half the battle. Explain to your partners what you shared with me—how it feels. Ask for their help with comfort

We interview a munch organizer and field audience questions at the Close In munch in Portland, Oregon 0:00 Introduction and host chat If you’re under 18, visit scarletteen.com We’re at the Close In munch in Portland, Oregon! 2:00 Interview with Close In munch organizer Hannah Lessons learned include: poly and kinky people are everywhere it’s important to destigmatize a stigmatized group “Square up; what you want is fine; fuck ‘em all!” 9:00 Poly Weekly live! What advice would you give to solo polys? net Off the Relationship Escalator 12:45 How to come out to folks who aren’t familiar with poly? Anticipate questions, be prepared, be calm, don’t take it personally, give them a year to freak out Folks will match your tone, so adopt one of calm, easy compassion 16:00 How has poly changed in the last 14 years? 17:45 And now there are terms for everything! my Poly Living keynote How Polyamory Became More Mainstream Than Peanut Butter all the poly recommended reading 19:05 How do I bring up the birth

J broke up with her metamour because she was triggering J's PTSD, but the metamour still "butts in" on J's dates with her partner. How does she handle this poly situation?

After four years, listener Newseeker is tired of asking her husband's permission every time she wants to go on a date with her partner of three years. How long should she accommodate his slow pace? 0:00 Introduction and host chat If you’re under 18, visit scarletteen.com We have new FAQs! The Discuss, distract, do exercise to help deal with event-based jealousy When to come out We’re slowly uploading episodes 1-40 on our LibSyn page to the archives of 2005 4:00 Poly in the news Poly parenting in the news - roundup Show your parents 5:25 Contact us Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email [email protected]. 6:10 I’m tired of the restrictions my husband is putting on me Newseeker (married 10 years, open for four, with a partner of three years) writes in to say she is tired of the objections her

A listener is engaged to her fiancée, who just came out as straight. How does she cope with not having sex with her soon-to-be wife? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Content warning and why you can’t find our podcast on Apple Podcasts in India. Let’s celebrate Dixie De la Tour, Bawdy Storytelling, and the Bawdy Storytelling podcast that you can subscribe to on Apple Podcasts. There is also a Facebook group of Bawdy fans that is super fun. 5:30 Poly in the news Couple-centric and non-diverse article in Cascadia claiming Portland is the center of Pacific NW poly 9:45 Contact us Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email [email protected]. 10:45 My fiancée now identifies as straight and doesn’t want sex with me Emily writes in to say that her fiancée recently identified as straight and will no longer have

Kevin Patterson and Alana Phelan, coauthors of For Hire: Operator and the soon-to-be-released For Hire: Audition, talk about why they write a queer poly superhero universe. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Thanks to Anita Wagner for introducing me to the term “petamour” 1:30 Poly in the news Vice has a great new article about poly families and poly parenting 3:05 Contact us Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email [email protected]. 3:35 Interview: Kevin Patterson and Alana Phelan on writing inclusive fiction Kevin Patterson and Alana Phelan join us to talk about their next soon-to-be-released queer superhero book, For Hire: Audition. You may remember their last interview with us on episode 563 around For Hire: Operator or Kevin’s interview around his book, Love’s Not Color Blind. Harlequin is put

Email [email protected], call 802-505-POLY, Twitter @polyweekly or visit www.polyweekly.com or www.facebook.com/polyweekly

A listener asks what to do when love does feel like a zero sum game; his wife took a lover, and our listener felt like he got even less sex than before. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Intro and host chat Minx recorded an episode of D&D Dads podcast with J.R. Blackwell, but the podcast hasn’t yet launched. Stay tuned! We had fun in Copenhagen! 3:00 Poly in the news Polyamory Works for Them in the New York Times “TV’s Most Interesting Polyamorous Relationship,” says TV Guide about Siren 9:00 When love IS a zero-sum game Listener Micah writes in to ask what to do now that his wife brought up the idea of poly, started dating someone half her age, and is now having much less sex with Micah. If we are painting a rosy, easy picture of poly, we need to change, because the emotional development required for polyamory (or any relationship) takes time and effort. Lusty Guy wonders about the use of the word “affair”—is this a reflection of

A listener asks if her new boyfriend is emotionally unavailable, will poly help? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 2:10 Poly in the news Unicorn hunting spreads as Vice gets it Four clear glasses frames that say “I haven’t tried polyamory, but I’ve watched Vice documentaries on it” Google Calendar is down, which means you can do anything you want, according to Twitter 7:50 Is poly a solution for emotionally unavailable partners? A listener writes in to ask if polyamory is possible when her partner seems to be currently emotionally unavailable. Our listener  met a guy five months ago, when she was a newly-single mom not looking for commitment. They never talked about what their relationship was, but our listener knew she wanted something casual and honest. Then he planned an all-day romantic date, felt relationshippy, which followed up by not reading her text messages, which led her to feel insecure and question her own behavior. They talked,

Celebrating the amazing sex-positive activist Allena Gabosch, who gave us a big scare last week. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com Last week, we nearly lost an amazing sex-positive educator to cancer. Allena Gabosch has pulled through, so this week’s episode is a replay of my 2010 interview with Allena. In Bawdy Storyelling podcast episode 78, Dixie de la Tour shares her feelings about nearly losing Allena Gabosch. 4:30 Interview: Allena Gabosch The lovely and talented Allena Gabosch, director of Seattle’s Center for Sex Positive Culture, shares the origin story of the Center in its current state and her own experiences with polyamory. Recorded in 2010 from Paradise Unbound! 50:25 Poly in the news Modern Family: More Courts Allowing Three Parents of One Child Polyamorous parenting: the surprising benefits of the ultimate modern family 55:30 Thank you! Welcome Camilla to the Poly Weekly Playmates! 56:00 How to make this podcast better Questions

My boyfriend and I transitioned from a don't-ask-don't-tell relationship to full honest, transparent polyamory. Now I want to meet my formerly DADT metamour when she comes to visit him next month. Is that OK? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com We’ll be in Copenhagen next month; let us know what we should do/see! 1:50 Poly in the news Studies showing the best stats on how many people have practiced non-monogamy at some point in their lives. Around 20-21% have practiced consensual non-monogamy at some point in their lives; 4% of relationships are open in some way; and 4-5% of the population of the United States was currently involved in a CNM relationship Keep in mind that 5% of the current US population identifies at GLBT, with 8.2% of millennials self-identifying at GLBT 6:10 Is it OK to ask to meet my metamour? Soft Shell Crabby writes in to say she’s 43 and her boyfriend is 42, and they’ve been together for four years. They did a don’t-ask-do

My metamour and I get along great, and I need a roommate. Will it muck things up if I ask them to move in? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 2:10 Poly in the news Who really practices polyamory? In Rolling Stone Leonard’s mom goes poly on Big Bang Theory 9:55 Topic: Should I live with my metamour? Olipoly writes in about the possibility of living with her metamour; she doesn’t want to live with her partner and gets along with them great. She’s considering asking her metamour to move in to the room that her roommate is moving out of. Don’t ask us; ask them! Ask them all the questions you just asked us and think through the possibilities to discover hard limits. Practice by spending a weekend together. Treat them professionally, like a client you need to keep happy. Get a dishwasher. 16:15 Happy Poly Moment Bunz in Knoxville originally had a negative impression of polyamory. But she and her husband read, talked out it, did exercises, and even

What do you do when your partner gets so jealous that you feel compelled to give up your boyfriend, while your hubby happily dates away? 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:25 Poly in the news Study could explain why people choose to have multiple relationships 3:25 Topic: what do I do when my partner agrees to be poly but gets jealous when I date? Debby writes in to ask what to do when polyamory doesn’t work for a couple. She and her husband are in their 50s, four years into their second marriage, and did the research before opening up 18 months into their relationship. He was into no-strings-attached sex but got very jealous when Debby would date. She finally had to dump her boyfriend (in a poly marriage of 15 years) due to her husband’s inability to cope with his jealousy. She asks what to do when polyamory doesn’t work for a couple. We both think it DID work—he liked the sex, and you loved your boyfriend. The question is, does monogamy work

On the launch of their new book, Koe Creation shares what it was like growing up in a polyamorous household.  0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com We had fun at It’s Complicated in Tulsa, OK! 3:00 Poly in the news On the opposite site of the earth, is poly on the rise? Collection of media coverage in NZ over the last few years 5:15 Interview: Koe Creation, author of This Heart Holds Many We talk about Koe’s new book, This Heart Holds Many, and the challenge of writing a semiautobiographical book about growing up in a poly family. Find them online at their website, Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram as @koecreate. 23:00 Happy Poly Moment Kim writes in to share TWO happy poly moments about her metamour getting married (One Family Podcast) Olivia writes in to share a Thanksgiving happy poly moment with her asexual partners 26:35 Thank you! Welcome to our new Poly Weekly Playmates, Chris and Alisha! 27:00 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comme

We chat with Laura Zielinsky, author of a new poly erotic novel 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:15 Host chat We’ll be speaking at It’s Complicated in Tulsa, OK, April 6th #sopoco2019 Soly Poly Unconference is happening in San Francisco, CA May 4-5, 2019 3:30 Interview: Laura Zielinsky, author of We Are Three We interview Laura Zielinksy, author of new poly erotic novel We Three: One and One and One Makes Three. Book summary: Eric and Elena Tanner have been enjoying their lifestyle membership at the Club Caliente for years. Swinging fulfills their desire to meet new people and engage in group sex. When the new bartender, Jess, flirts with them and agrees to play in a threesome, Eric and Elena make plans for a single night of pleasure. All three are satisfied, so Jess is invited to come again. And again. For months Elena, Jess, and Eric meet up for lots of sex, and dinners. There are casual nights in Netflix and chilling. It's heady, addictive

Sex therapist Dr. Liz Powell rejoins us to talk about how she became a sex therapist and why she wrote her new book, Building Open Relationships. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:15 Host chat We’ll be speaking at It’s Complicated in Tulsa, OK, April 6th. 2:45 Poly in the news Non-monogamous relationships are normal, and the stigma needs to end 7:35 Interview: Building open relationships with Dr. Liz Powell Dr. Liz Powell shares how and why she got into sex therapy, including her stint and internship in the army dealing with combat stress and families, moonlighting in private practice in Savannah, GA serving the LGBTQIA community, and continuing to do sex therapy work afterwards. Misconceptions about sex therapy: it’s not all about the sex. It’s about the relationship people have with their own bodies, with their partners, and to the stories of sexuality and pleasure. Many therapists only get two days of training on sexuality issues, if at all.

Joseph Pred shares the Consent Framework, a tool for community organizers to get and enforce consent at events. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:15 Host chat Did you enjoy February 28 National Metamour Day? We’ll be speaking at It’s Complicated in Tulsa, OK, April 6th 2:30 Poly in the news There’s a dark side of polyamory that nobody talks about Seven polyamory myths it’s time to stop believing Polyamory on the rise on NPR! 11:30 Interview: consent framework with Joseph Pred Download the consent frameworks Email address: [email protected] Website: consentframework.org Twitter: @consentframewrk Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/consentframework/ 32:45 How to make this podcast better Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email

Do families have to live together? My partners and I agreed to live together and have kids, but now I'm not so sure. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:15 Host chat We took a two-month break to figure out what this podcast will be moving forward. We’re excited about new guests and will be moving to a biweekly format. NCSF has declared February 28 National Metamour Day The Iron Realm podcast is an audio drama dungeon crawl RPG adventure. 5:45 Poly in the news Is there such a thing as poly-dar? Do poly folks have certain recognizable traits? 8:00 Topic: Do families need to live together? Lewis has a male partner and a woman partner, Sally, and the three of them have discussed living together as a family and fathering kids with Sally. However, Lewis says their communication has not been great and their relationship was pretty dysfunctional until recently. He also values his own space and privacy. Is it OK to father kids if you don’t intend to li

Kevin Patterson, Chris Smith, Lusty Guy, and Minx discuss what we mean by "toxic masculinity" and how we should respond to both the term and the thing itself. 0:00 Introduction and host chat Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:15 Host chat 1:30 Topic: Toxic masculinity Kevin Patterson, creator of the Poly Role Models blog and author of Love’s Not Color Blind and For Hire: Operator, Chris Smith, a doctoral student at Howard University, author of Open to Love: Polyamory and the Black American and relationship researcher, and Lusty Guy, our cohost and producer. What is toxic masculinity? Setting absolutes on how gender can present and act. What makes it toxic? Anything in too great a quantity can be toxic. How toxic masculinity really relates to sports: if emotions are so key to teamwork, how can masculinity? What do we want “masculine” to be? It’s not inherent. Why is there a negative reaction to the idea of “toxic masculinity,” as in any other instance where too much of somethi