We Hate Movies

On this episode, the gang celebrates the 20th anniversary of the legendary Timecop! Why did they need those rocket cars to time travel? Why is Ron Silver carrying out this ridiculous time robbery scheme? And how are they not recognizing their one-decade-older selves? PLUS: A twenty year mystery is solved. Timecop stars Jean-Claude Van Damme, Ron Silver, Mia Sara, Bruce McGill and Gloria Reuben; directed by Peter Hyams. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On the season premiere of We Hate Movies, the gang heads back to school with Tom Berenger and Marc Anthony in The Substitute! Why does this movie spend so much time on the botched Cuba mission? Why did Berenger's resume need to be that padded? And what on Earth is up with that bathing suit? PLUS: I'mgonnakillherI'mgonnakillherI'mgonnakillher! The Substitute stars Tom Berenger, Ernie Hudson, Raymond Cruz, William Forsythe, Luis Guzmán and Diane Venora; directed by Robert Mandel. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Original Air Date: A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. On the final WHM Summer Rerun of 2014, the guys look back at one of the all-time fan favorite episodes on Ewoks: The Battle for Endor! This show marks the first appearance of Wilford Brimley on WHM and is the second of three times the guys have ventured into the Star Wars universe. Brimley hates that rabbit. The rabbit hates Brimley. The guys don't entirely hate the movie. Ewoks: The Battle for Endor stars Wilford Brimley, Warwick Davis, Aubree Miller, Siân Phillips, Carel Struycken and Paul Gleason; directed by Jim & Ken Wheat. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this WHM Summer Rerun, the gang looks back at the time they got in the ring with Rocky IV! Everyone agrees that Paulie is Cinema's Greatest Loser. Rocky is out of control arrogant in this movie. And the stones on Stallone to have his titular pugilist essentially end the Cold War by giving a sappy end-of-match speech! Rocky IV stars Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Talia Shire, Carl Weathers, Burt Young, Tony Burton, Brigitte Nielsen; directed by Sylvester Stallone. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Original Air Date: 2/12/13 On this WHM Summer Rerun, the gang reminisces about one of their absolute favorite films from the WHM catalog, Tuff Turf! Steve wonders how James Spader's possible Back to the Future audition went. Andrew impersonates Jim Carroll delivering dialog on heroin. And Chris butchers up the "80s Teen Dramedy" cow. PLUS: Two words - Jack. Mack. Tuff Turf stars James Spader, Kim Richards, Paul Mones, Robert Downey Jr., Matt Clark, Jim Carroll and Jack Mack & the Heart Attack; directed by Fritz Kiersch. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Original Air Date: 9/4/12 On the first WHM Summer Rerun, the gang looks back at the batshit classic, Invisible Child! Andrew explains how he'd handle someone thinking they had an invisible child, Steve rags on the secret society of English nannies and Eric guesses why Victor Garber would make a whole pizza in the middle of the night. His theory? To curb horny behavior! Fan Favorite Line: "I mean, you're in a hot tub, baby, you're either getting physical therapy or you're fucking!" Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On the WHM Summer Finale, the #SBE2014 comes to an end when the gang chats about the incredibly annoying and sadly family friendly Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze! Why didn't they put Bebop and Rocksteady in this movie? Is Splinter chasing the dragon through this whole thing? And what is with no one at the Vanilla Ice warehouse concert being terrified by a group of fighting monsters? PLUS: They're BABIES! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze stars Paige Turco, David Warner, Ernie Reyes Jr., François Chau and Kevin Nash; directed by Michael Pressman. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this week's episode, the gang rides the rails with Steven Seagal and Eric Bogosian in the train hijacking sequel, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory! Why do we need Seagal microwaving a cake? Did Bogosian have to do that Rod Serling impression? And is Seagal really getting foiled by a Newton and a clogged fax line? PLUS: We all better go talk to the Captain. Under Siege 2: Dark Territory stars Steven Seagal, Eric Bogosian, Everett McGill, Morris Chestnut, Peter Greene and Katherine Heigl; directed by Geoff Murphy. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

In the July Mailbag, Andrew, Eric and Chris talk about naked old fellas, Charles Manson, bad celebrity impressions and more! Have something for the Mailbag? Get at us to be featured in the August episode! Write the WHM Mailbag today: [email protected]! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

In this week's episode, the gang bundles up with the ultra boring disaster dud, The Day After Tomorrow! How 'bout those CGI wolves, huh? Why did they think hiding in a library would be exciting? And just how useless is Sela Ward in this movie? PLUS: This Fall, Louie Anderson returns to a lot of NBC. The Day After Tomorrow stars Dennis Quaid, Jake Gyllenhaal, Emmy Rossum, Sela Ward, Dash Mihok, Jay O. Sanders and Ian Holm; directed by Roland Emmerich. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

In this week's episode, the gang enters the back half of their Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza with Tim Burton's depressingly terrible Planet of the Apes! Why not hire anybody besides Mark Wahlberg? Why are we still sending chimps into space in 2029? And what kind of a trampoline budget were they working with here? PLUS: Twilight Zone's greatest "secret robot" scenarios. Planet of the Apes stars Mark Wahlberg, Tim Roth, Helena Bonham Carter, Michael Clarke Duncan, Paul Giamatti, Estella Warren, Kris Kristofferson and Charlton Heston; directed by Tim Burton. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this week's episode, the gang tackles a sweaty ass Burt Reynolds' movie with the pretty silly, Stroker Ace! Is Stroker an immortal god who has lived through Prohibition and the sweaty 1980s? Is Ned Beatty's character really just Otis from Superman on the run from Mr. Luthor? And how many prehistoric jokes can we fit into one movie? PLUS: Eric mildly enjoys Tom Jones, Andrew does not. Different opinions on We Hate Movies! Stroker Ace stars Burt Reynolds, Jim Nabors, Ned Beatty, Loni Anderson and Parker Stevenson; directed by Hal Needham. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this edition of Animation Damnation, the guys are ragging on an episode of the Star Trek cartoon entitled, "The Magicks of Megas-Tu"! While possibly being a huge commercial for their all-new, hilarious, Trekmentary: Nemesis track, the guys also spend some time pondering George Lucas on 'ludes, Kirk being okay with Satan and whether or not Bones was a Confederate racist. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

In this week's episode, the 4th annual Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza continues as the gang tackles the Gotham-less, action-less, interest-less Catwoman! Why is this movie not set in Gotham? Is Benjamin Bratt's character really named Tom Lone? And why on Earth does this version of Catwoman need magical cat powers? PLUS: The guys take a trip to Michael Massee's Garbage Island. Catwoman stars Halle Berry, Benjamin Bratt, Sharon Stone, Lambert Wilson, Frances Conroy, Alex Borstein and Michael Massee; directed by Pitof. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

In this week's episode, the Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza 2014 rolls on with the sexy cyber thriller, Swordfish! What is with that wretched Dog Day Afternoon monologue? Take a gander at Hugh Jackman's excellent frosted tips! And who would ever want to put up and hang out with John Travolta's character? PLUS: Halle Berry as Michael Jackson in 2016! Swordfish stars Hugh Jackman, John Travolta, Halle Berry, Don Cheadle, Sam Shepard, and Vinnie Jones; directed by Dominic Sena. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

In this week's episode, the gang travels to Outworld to take on Goro and the rest of the freaks in the ass kicking video game adaptation, Mortal Kombat! Why did they cower away from any blood whatsoever? Why does Reptile have to look like the SoBe mascot? And why did they cast a white guy to play Lord Rayden? PLUS: A Mortal Kombat themed vacation resort might be the new Happiest Place on Earth! Mortal Kombat stars Christopher Lambert, Robin Shou, Linden Ashby, Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa, Bridgette Wilson-Sampras, Talisa Soto, Trevor Goddard, Chris Casamassa, François Petit and Keith Cooke; directed by Paul W.S. Anderson. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this WHM Mail Bag, the gang opens up some letters talking about strange Chuck E. Cheese encounters, divorced dads at the movies, favorite Jim Belushi films and academic Abraxas crossword puzzles! PLUS: A letter from an actual American hero.  If you have a silly, fun, sad, outlandish, weird story that you think is WHM-related, write in! Send all eerie tales to [email protected]! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

In this week's episode, the gang kicks off #SBE2014 with the dull film about wannabe superheroes, Mystery Men! Why make a movie about tertiary characters from a comic book no one really cares about? What was with that brutal murder? And is it possible Tim Burton directed this? PLUS: The "Time to Make the Donuts" guy is getting ripped off... from beyond the grave! Mystery Men stars Ben Stiller, Hank Azaria, William H. Macy, Janeane Garofalo, Kel Mitchell, Paul Reubens, Wes Studi, Greg Kinnear, Claire Forlani, Tom Waits, Eddie Izzard, Lena Olin, Artie Lange and Geoffrey Rush; directed by Kinka Usher (or possibly Tim Burton). Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

In this week's episode, the gang concludes their Memorial Day Hot Dogs & Hamburgers double feature by taking to task the incredibly offensive college comedy, Hamburger: The Motion Picture! Why is our hero such a dud? How was everyone okay with the treatment of Magneto Jones? And did Dick Butkus' character really need to be a racist? PLUS: Ronald Reagan movie reviews and Jesse Ventura counts "10"s! Hamburger: The Motion Picture stars Leigh McCloskey, Chip McAllister, Jack Blessing, Charles Tyner, Debra Blee, Randi Brooks and Dick Butkus; directed by Mike Marvin. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

In this week's episode, the gang hits the slopes with the outrageous, irresponsible, hot dog free, Hot Dog... The Movie! Why are we touring so many motels before we get to the mountain resort? Who thought naming a Japanese character "Kamikaze" was a good/funny idea? And what's with the Duran Duran instrumental mix? PLUS: Nick Nolte, Nazi Hunter. Hot Dog... The Movie stars David Naughton, Patrick Houser, Tracy Smith, James Saito and Shannon Tweed; directed by Peter Markle. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies