The Art Of Charm | High Performance Techniques| Cognitive Development | Relationship Advice | Mastery Of Human Dynamics

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: In a relationship, can trust be rebuilt once broken? More important: should it be? A self-described alpha female has been trying Kimberly Seltzer's dating advice, but it seems to be backfiring. What's the deal? Do men really love "bitches?" (Her word, not ours!) Do you find yourself constantly getting placed into positions of leadership by others? Is it really possible to get left holding the ladder...for yourself? Do you ever create scenarios or situations you may encounter with others and try to solve them before they actually exist -- and does this lead to false judgments and misunderstandings? How do you continue to work with someone who is insecure, insincere, and threatened by you, but is definitely not going anywhere because the CEO believes in him? Quick shoutouts to Joshua Francium from Indiana -- who listens to AoC on hi

Srdja Popovic (@SrdjaPopovic) is the author of Blueprint for Revolution: How to Use Rice Pudding, Lego Men, and Other Nonviolent Techniques to Galvanize Communities, Overthrow Dictators, or Simply Change the World. The Cheat Sheet: What do revolutions and businesses have in common? Why nonviolence is more popular (and more effective). Why there are no charismatic leaders in the most successful revolutions. How to make a revolution cool by using comedy. How was '90s Serbia like Middle Earth in the era of The Lord of The Rings (Hobbits and all)? And so much more... Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Don't like to shop for clothes? Let Five Four Club be your personal fashion stylist. Complete a short style quiz and receive a monthly curated package at your doorstep! Go to fivefourclub.com and use promo code CHARM at sign-up to get 50% off your first package! DesignCrowd helps startups and small busines

Mark Manson (@IAmMarkManson) returns to the show to talk about his new book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life -- available today! F-bomb alert level: juicy orange. The Cheat Sheet: Conventional life advice -- all that positive, happy, self-help stuff we hear all the time -- is actually fixating on what you lack and making you unhappy. Always assume you're wrong: if you're embarrassed about things you held to be true and dear 10 years ago, it stands to reason that things you hold true and dear today will be embarrassing 10 years from now. What The Feedback Loop from Hell is -- and why it's making you miserable. How you can use The Backwards Law to get out of the vicious cycle of comparing yourself to others. How The Self-Awareness Onion can lead you to a great understanding of yourself and your relationships. And so much more... Avoid trips to the post office with Stamps.com -- The Art of Charm listeners get a postal scale and $55 of postage for free here!

Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable that you can implement right away. It'll make you more magnetic and effective. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: If you find your default mode is negative, how do you snap out of it? I use something called the Three Positive Things drill. This is not the same as what I usually dismiss about the positive thinking camp. When something bad happens, it's easy to complain. So I challenge you to do this instead: force yourself to think of three positive things about what's bothering you. You can't control an event, but you can control your reaction to it. For example, when I got water all over my pants in the airport washroom before a 14-hour flight, I considered: 1) my pants were actually kind of waterproof, 2) I got a funny story out of it, and 3) I didn't get any on my new shoes, so it wasn't really a big deal. It may sound ridiculous, but the Three Positive Things Drill actually forces your logical brain to reach (someti

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: Feel like your resume is lacking in experience? Show 'em what you can build. More listener endorsements for the virtues of dual enrollment (something we wish we'd found out about sooner)! A listener brings some great advice to the "why do bad bosses happen to good employees?" discussion from Fan Mail Friday #76. When you're just starting out in the entertainment industry, how do you mingle and network with the rich and successful in your field when you barely have two pennies to your name? [Relevant reference: Nev Medhora | How to Crash Parties and Grow Your Network (Episode 390)] Two years into a mostly perfect relationship in which you motivate each other to be your best selves -- but the sex just doesn't happen as much as it used to. What do you do? Quick shoutouts to: Dena -- James Swanwick's girlfriend who listens to AoC reli

Brian Fetherstonhaugh (@BrianOgilvy) is the CEO of digital marketing agency OgilvyOne Worldwide and author of The Long View: Career Strategies to Start Strong, Reach High, and Go Far. The Cheat Sheet: Career math: calculations to help you appreciate the length of the career journey ahead and the strategies necessary to make it to the finish line. What percentage of your personal wealth do you think you'll accumulate after your 40th birthday? (The answer will probably surprise you.) Career fuel: what are you building today that you can carry for 40+ years? Career inventory: taking stock of the deep, longer term, transportable skills you've built over time. Do you succumb to temporal discounting -- choosing the present known over the future possible? And so much more... Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Don't like to shop for clothes? Let Five Four Club be your personal fashion stylist. Complete a sh

Jenny Blake (@Jenny_Blake) is the author of Pivot: The Only Move That Matters Is Your Next One. She joins the show to help us better deal with the only real constant in life: change. The Cheat Sheet: How to make yourself more agile in your career. How to make sure you're not afraid to make a move forward instead of staying stagnant -- or worse: going for Plan B. How to actually pivot, and why it's not as drastic or dramatic as you might think. Why if you don't prepare for a pivot, you might be pivoted. How to know when it's time to quit your day job and go all-in on your side gig or make the leap to a different job or career entirely. And so much more... Hate grocery shopping but you love to cook? Blue Apron delivers recipes and farm fresh ingredients to you. As an Art of Charm listener, you get your first two meals free here! DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design -- even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for

Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable that you can implement right away. It'll make you more magnetic and effective. In this Minisode Monday, former and future guest Jon Levy -- author of The 2 AM Principle: Discover The Science of Adventure -- joins us to discuss the Copy Machine Effect and how to end a conversation without burning bridges. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: You can't always curate your company beforehand; the impressions you make are created by how you interact in real time, on the fly. Conversation is usually spontaneous. You don't want to offend someone you've just met, but what do you do if you find yourself in a conversation that's not ideal? How do you politely excuse yourself from the discussion without the other party taking it personally (and without feeling guilty)? Keep in mind that time is limited. While mingling with large groups of people, you'll see participation in some conversations as crucial, some as best put off for ano

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: How do you go back to your long-term marriage that needs work once you've become infatuated with someone who reminds you of all the things your partner is not? As we learned in episode 499 with Kimberly Seltzer, boundaries are imporant. But how do we know if we're closing ourselves off with too many boundaries? If you're an educator who's had to make countless compromises, it's hard not to become jaded when work politics hamstring the passion that got you into your field in the first place. Is there a way to realign your perspective and avoid the mounting bitterness you've been feeling about your job before you just leave it all behind for good? Some fan mail we get goes beyond the scope of our expertise, and we have to recommend professional help. Kimberly Seltzer gets another mention here for her in-depth episode about how to fi

Shep Gordon (@SupermenschShep) is a talent manager, Hollywood film agent, producer, and author of They Call Me Supermensch: A Backstage Pass to the Amazing Worlds of Film, Food, and Rock'n'Roll. He was featured in Mike Meyers' documentary Supermensch: The Legend of Shep Gordon about his life and times. The Cheat Sheet: How do you create history rather than waiting for it to happen? Do you have to be a jerk to make it in Hollywood? What's Shep's coupon system? What's the most selfish thing you can do? Is fame toxic? And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/shep-gordon-supermensch-maui-episode-544/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Robert Cialdini (@RobertCialdini) is a speaker, consultant, and author of Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion and, most recently, Pre-suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade. The Cheat Sheet: What is "pre-suasion," and how does it relate to the concepts inside influence? How persuasive people shape others' behavior and how we can use these techniques on others -- as well as ourselves. How to gain and retain someone's attention. How language, geography, and imaging alter our perceptions of what causes events -- and how the media uses these principles to influence us and set its agenda. How to increase our appeal by causing others to focus on us (and why this phenomenon often lands innocent people in jail). And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/robert-cialdini-pre-suasion-episode-543/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find th

Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable that you can implement right away. It'll make you more magnetic and effective. Today, we're joined by recent guest, Unmistakable Creative host, and author of Unmistakable: Why Only is Better Than Best, Srini Rao. He'll tell us how to write 1,000 words a day without even thinking about it. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: In order to effortlessly write 1,000 words a day, you need to make it second nature in your daily routine -- like brushing your teeth. Writing by hand vs. writing by keyboard. Activation energy: the fewer steps there are for you to do something, the more likely you are to actually do it. Have the tools of your routine on hand and ready to perform. To minimize distractions, Srini recommends loading up Focus at Will (a subscription music service that helps you focus -- with science!), and blocking all attention-grabbing websites (or your browser itself) for an hour. If you're writing on a laptop, have y

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: You've been so busy building a life for you and your family that, through long hours of work and school, you worry you've forgotten how to have fun. How do you get your mojo back to be the best self your wife deserves? How do you hustle hard and make sure to get decent sleep every night? If your significant other is on hookup sites "just to make new friends," how do you know they're not cheating on you? A New Yorker weighs on on how diversity can be an asset rather than a drawback in the modern dating scene -- if you're looking in the right places. A listener who went through dual enrollment (as discussed in FMF 75) tells us how it's got him on track to graduate with an MBA at age 20. Quick shoutouts to Charles Anderson -- who has been on the Internet for 40 years -- and Anni Viskus, an Estonian in Denmark who considers AoC her nu

Lecrae (@lecrae) is a two-time Grammy winning hip hop artist and author of Unashamed, the autobiography about his rocky path to becoming a chart-topping industry anomaly. The Cheat Sheet: How do you make it to the top of the hip hop world as an introvert? What it takes to filter the right role models and mentors when you grow up fatherless. How to separate criticism from valid feedback. Lecrae shares his Beyoncé party story. How does Lecrae deal with the nagging pangs of Imposter Syndrome? And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/lecrae-unashamed-episode-542/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Srinivas Rao (@unmistakableceo) is the host and founder of the Unmistakable Creative podcast -- where he's interviewed more than 700 people from all walks of life -- and author of Unmistakable: Why Only is Better Than Best.   The Cheat Sheet: The power of long-term commitment. Avoiding the Idea Echo Chamber. Why your goal should be to become the only and not just the best. The support systems around being creative. How to borrow from other works without staying in the realm of what's been done before. And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/srinivas-rao-why-only-is-better-than-best-episode-541/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the 15th episode of Minisode Monday! We keep finding so many useful tactics and tips that we want to share with you, but they don't fit into the format of a regular show -- hence, Minisode Monday. Today, we're going to address sore spots and accommodating old injuries. Here goes: The Cheat Sheet: We all experience sore spots -- physical as well as mental -- every now and then. But sometimes these sore spots have been with us so long that we forget what put them there in the first place. Just one injury can set off a chain reaction of unconscious maladjustment -- with body or mind -- that can affect everything we do. The older the injury, the more widespread the effects. In what ways have you been injured that cause you to act differently? Does an old shoulder injury negatively modify your posture? Does an old embarrassment make you insecure or oversensitive about something? This week: think about your sore spots. What are they, and when do they show up? What triggers them? How have you been rearra

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. As an added bonus, Gabriel Mizrahi joins us! In this episode: How do you call out a friend when you see them slipping up without ruining the relationship? Why do bad bosses happen to good employees? Can loving your rewarding job be enough if the person deciding the direction that job can take is someone you don't trust or respect? What can you do to blend into a new company culture without coming across as desperate for social attention? Quick shoutouts to Fei Wu -- who bribed Jordan with a ton of nice Chinese pu-erh tea to get him on her podcast -- and to Patrick McCabe, who is starting his voiceover business and helped rewrite some of the AoC intro scripts! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [email protected]! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/fan-mail-friday-76-vengeance-or-vali

James Altucher (@jaltucher) is a serial entrepreneur, speaker, podcaster, and author of several books, including Choose Yourself: Be Happy, Make Millions, Live the Dream. He joins us to talk about -- among many things -- the benefits of minimizing expectations for maximum happiness. The Cheat Sheet: Need to jump start happiness? Lower your expectations. People seem to react better to advice by autobiography than advice by slogan. If a giant stack of money is your be-all, end-all measure of success, you might want to redefine success (or prepare for a heaping helping of disappointment). How does someone live well without renting or owning? The checklist James uses to make sure he's operating as his best self (which also keeps him from disappointing others). And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/james-altucher-minimal-expectations-episode-540 HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out fr

Shawn Blanchard (@Shawntb) has overcome a past of drug dealing and limited options to become a speaker, mentorship specialist, and author of How 'Bout That For A Crack Baby: Keys to Mentorship and Success. The Cheat Sheet: How does someone go from living a double life of academic success and criminal enterprise to mentoring kids and helping them realize their potential? How Shawn found mentors -- or as he calls them, friendtors -- from among his peers. People want to help you. If you want to be a good mentor, you've got to be a good mentee. Mentorship isn't necessarily about creating high performers, but in making people better than they would have been without you. And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/shawn-blanchard-from-miscreant-to-mentor-episode-539/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iT

Welcome to the 14th episode of Minisode Monday! We keep finding so many useful tactics and tips that we want to share with you, but they don't fit into the format of a regular show -- hence, Minisode Monday. Today, we tried to come up with a word for the opposite of worry. We failed, but it doesn't mean we can't put the idea to practice as we try to understand why worrying never helps. The Cheat Sheet: Have you ever seen Bridge of Spies with Tom Hanks? If you have, you might remember this line: "Would it help?" (We won't spoil it for those who haven't seen it.) Worrying is what we do when there's nothing we really can do. It's counterproductive. Worrying causes stress, which interferes with our performance, energy levels, and focus -- which makes it harder to deal with what we're worrying about in the first place. The cure for worry? Presence (as recently discussed with Amy Cuddy, author of Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges). Focus on the task at hand. Face forward, but don't li